I’m the fly on the wall

I just started the 10-pack series on Balance in my Headspace-app, and it started off with Andy talking about what balance is to him. I really enjoyed what he said, even though I don’t remember it verbatim. So I’ll just try to use my own words, because I want to share this.

Balance doesn’t mean level, even, a straight line without up’s and down’s. No, that’s not what balance is to me.

Balance, to me, means riding the roller coaster that is life, with all the up’s and down’s, speed changes, bumps and the occasional stop, without getting swept off my feet.

Balance means experiencing my high’s fully, without believing that it’s only when I am high that I can be happy and grateful.

Balance means experiencing my low’s fully, without believing that it’s impossible to be happy and grateful when I am low.

Balance means being ok with, and accepting, what is, in the moment, feeling it, experiencing it, being fully there.

Balance means laughing my head off, or crying my heart out, with the knowing that the strong emotion will pass, in time, however long or short. Being able to be 100% in the feeling, while at the same time being aware that it’s a passing feeling.

fly on wallThere is something very dual in it for me, because it’s both being inside myself, feeling and experiencing fully, while simultaneously being aware of what I am feeling and experiencing, as if I have also taken a step outside myself, being able to bear witness upon myself and my experience.

It’s as if I am being me, but also a fly on the wall looking at me. *haha* I promise I did not see that analogy coming, but now that it’s here, I like it. Because it explains my experience quite well. I’m me, but also the fly on the wall.

Have you ever felt like that?

Being OK with what is

As I have an enormous amount of conversations at the moment, I keep being reminded about one of the key factors in the transformation I’ve undergone these past years. And I even got a reminder of it from the daily EnneaThoughts that I subscribe to since many years back:

Acceptance

Being OK with what is, accepting whatever emotion I’m feeling in any given moment. If you don’t recognize this, I hesitate as to whether or not you can you even begin to understand what a difference that acceptance makes, compared to constant inner fighting, not being OK with my feelings, not wanting to feel what I was feeling, and believing I was bad for feeling what I felt.

Oh the energy I’ve wasted over the years, I cannot even begin to fathom the extent of it….

But no more!

And guess what? I don’t beat myself up for the energy I’ve wasted over the years either. What’s done is done, and thanks to me doing it, I’m where I am at today, so really, it’s a blessing!

Because today, I am ok with what ever state of mind I am in. I am, truly, ok with it. I accept, fully, and with that comes complete and utter compassion and love. For me, but also for the world I live in.

This also means that even if/when life sucks, I’m ok, I’m good, and most of all, I don’t have to run away from what is, or fight myself for being where I am. I can just be with what is.

Are you ok with what is or do you fight it?

Be gentle with yourself

I do a lot of coaching sessions right now, and one of the things that almost always seems to come up in the conversations, is the general tone of the inner voice we all carry with us. Mine used to be a dictator, lashing out at me with a leather whip, and being real nasty, on a daily basis. But not anymore. Not a lot, at least. I’ve become gentle with myself, and I cannot even begin to describe the difference it’s made in my everyday life.

Being gentle with myself, for me, means that I don’t beat myself over the head with a shovel anymore, whenever I do, say, or even think, something ”bad”. Because I’ve come to understand that ”bad” is a construction. My thoughts and the resulting feelings are neutral. They just are. But we have, as a society I guess, placed a whole lot of meaning on them, giving them a value.

If I ask you to name three good feelings, I’m certain it’s not a problem for you. Perhaps emotions such as love, joy, happiness, generosity, care come to mind? Now if I ask you to name three bad feelings, perhaps you’ll come up with emotions such as hatred, anger, anxiety, vengence, desire, jealousy and so on?

Well. What I’ve realized is that this is nonsense. It’s not true. There is no such thing as a good or bad feeling. That’s all make belief. We’ve invented it. And I think the reason we’ve made up all these stories around these feelings, is because when acting upon the ”good” feelings, generally there is value to that action. It serves us in some way, that is more easily understood and felt than when acting upon the ”bad” feelings. Acting on hatred rarely serve us, and generally speaking there is less apparent value to acting on these feelings. And I agree with that. But, that still doesn’t mean the feeling and the thought it came from, are good or bad. They still just are. They exist. Period.

And I even venture as far as stating, that believing in the story of good and bad thoughts and feelings, is actually causing much more harm to us, than shedding that belief, and seeing the thoughts and feelings for what they are. A thought. And a feeling. Nothing more, nothing less. Just that.

For me, this makes it much more easy to feel what I feel without beating myself up over it. I can be nervous without being nervous about it. I can be angry without being angry at myself for it. And so on. This is what I mean with being gentle with myself. I feel what I feel, and that’s ok. I’m ok with that. Most of the time, that is… because sometimes I’m at a low state of consiousness and then perhaps I’m not ok with being angry and upset. And you know what? That’s ok too!

Now, what this ok-ness doesn’t mean, is that I give myself permission to act on whatever feeling I’m experiencing in the moment. No. That’s another ball game. I’m ok with feeling whatever I feel, but I now know I don’t have to act on every feeling I experience. I can just sit with it. If I’m angry, that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean I have to scream and shout. Sometimes I do, because I feel that’s what will be of service to me in the moment. Sometimes I don’t, because I don’t feel it will be of service to me in the moment. There is no right or wrong that is always right or wrong. It varies. (Barring actually inflicting harm upon another being. Does that really ever serve anyone?)

Knowing this, really really knowing it in my heart, means that I am no longer a slave to my feelings. I don’t have that urge to lash out, when I’m angry, at least not at all as frequent as it used to be. I have a choice to act on my feelings, and what will serve me in the moment will vary. That means there really is no right or wrong here, and with that realization, suspending judgement upon myself and other has fallen away, and only remains to a very small extent in my life. So I’m not only more gentle with myself, I am also much more gentle with you, and the rest of the world.

Except when I’m not, because I have a muddled mind, lacking clarity, and that’s ok. I know my clarity will return, in time, and I also know that it really serves me to be gentle with myself. At all times.

be gentle

Be gentle with yourself. Try it out. You don’t even have to believe you deserve it. Just try it. Ok?

Held in a space of love

Being held in a space of love, that beats most things I’ve experienced. That’s what a great coach (for me) will do. And that’s what I experience at Supercoach Academy as well. space of loveBeing held in a space of love opens up for discovery of things within that I didn’t know were there to find. It opens for grabbing onto a story of mine, shining some light on it, and watching it dissolve into nothingness, because that’s what stories are. They really are nothing, but for the fact that we place meaning onto them. They are a thought, that we believe to be real, and that’s why they seem ream. But they are a thought, and it’s only when I ”have something on that thought” that it seems real to me.

During the last weekend with SCA2014, I was listening to a chat between Michael Neill and George Pransky, when George said something to the effect of:
It’s the meaning you put on ”it”, that is causing your distress.

(”It” being whatever it is you put meaning to, whatever it is you are dicussing, bringing up, getting stuck on.)

I can see this in my life, nowadays. I can see myself when I am in distress, and know where that feeling comes from. It doesn’t mean I don’t experience distress anymore. Not at all! That happens, all the time, because it’s part of the human experience on earth. It happens to us all. Period. But I know where my distress is coming from, and knowing that makes it seem slightly less real for me. It makes me not take that distress as Fact, as something that Must be. It makes me see the distress as a feeling I am experiencing, because I have a thought of some sort. And I feel the feeling. That’s a given. But I no longer believe that feeling to be a Must. It’s not a feeling that is inevitable. It’s not a feeling which is the only true response given the situation. It’s A feeling. Not THE feeling.

And when I am held in a space of love, I can begin to question my beliefs, question the stories I’m telling myself to be real. And that process is a miraculous journey, that free’s me up, expands me, makes it possible to let go of restrictions that don’t serve me (anymore), and mostly, for me, it means my energy is not wasted on conserving the stories of my life. The energy can be used for much greater thing. I don’t have to waste energy trying to maintain a status quo that is a construct of my thinking, instead the energy can be used, in the moment, for whatever want’s to show up, whatever wants to happen.

Have you ever been held in a space of love?

Scared for nothing!

Remove that I wrote about being scared shitless about attending The Joyride?

IMG_2851.JPG

Well.. The day is nearing its end and it hasn’t been scary at all. It’s been interesting, fascinating, I’ve explored feelings of shame, I’ve danced, I’ve shared, I’ve hugged and I’ve felt love. And this is what I was scared about? Once more I realise the futility of feeling scared for what might happen, for what I believe others will think, and/or for how it will feel.

IMG_2855.JPG

I basically never get it right, so why do I keep on believing that fear? Being scared for nothing. Surely I can use my energy in better ways than that?

The elephant in the room

Do you know the feeling, when it’s like there is an elephant in the room, that everyone pretends not to see? Everyone is trying hard to ignore it, chitchatting away or just keeping silent, wishing fervently for someone else to do something, say something, anything, just to get a break from the intense atmosphere?

It can take a lot of courage to be the one to put the spotlight on the elephant. But oh how I wish that was something more people dared to do. Because honestly, who is served by keeping this kind of culture going?

And sure. At a workplace, perhaps it is the boss who should break the ice, be the one to call forth the underlying issue that causes elephants to occur. But what if the boss isn’t capable of doing that, for whatever reason? Should we then keep on perpetuating the current elephant-generating climate, or should I perhaps take a stance? Or you?

It’s not an easy call, it can take a lot of courage, and there are risks associated with it, I do believe. Well, I know. But more often than not, the aftermath of outing the elephant usually aren’t even close to being as bad as I imagined them to be. Believing all hell will break loose, only to realize it’s like a dud shot. And personally, I’d rather take my chances at influencing the current work climate, than not. The alternative might be to find a different job, because seriously, I don’t want to work at a place like that. But I sure want to make sure I’ve done my bit first, to be the change I want to see, right?!

elefanter

Think I have pushed the metaphor far enough now though, don’t you? But apart from that, what’s your take on this?

Is the universe a friendly place?

I follow Marianne Williamson on Facebook, and stumbled upon this today. I immediately emailed the link to myself, to make sure I wouldn’t forget about it:

”I think the most important question facing humanity is, ‘Is the universe a friendly place?’ This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves. “For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.

“If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially ‘playing dice with the universe’, then we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.

“But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives.”

”God does not play dice with the universe,” – Albert Einstein

image

I’m not sure I’ve always believed the world a friendly place, but I do now. I do, fully…. and yet, sometimes I stumble. It happens that I forget the sun is always there, behind the clouds, and at times like that, the world can seem like a really cold, hard and unfriendly place. I know when I wake up tomorrow, or the day after, that thought will be gone, and a new one, affirming my belief that it IS a friendly place, will pop up. I also know, if I cling to the thought of the world being an unfriendly place, a new thought will take longer to appear.

And truth be told, it’s easier for me nowadays, knowing it’s all thought, to rest in the feeling of the day, whether or not if it makes me feel high or low. But all the same, I’m only human, and right now I sure long for a new thought to pop into my conciousness, because I really really don’t like to hang out in the cold, hard, unfriendly universe at all, do you?

Why aren’t we awesomer?

Michael Neill participated in TEDxBend and I just got a hold of his talk. I laughed, and figured that I no longer have to ponder what to post today. Here it comes:

As a student on Supercoach Academy 2014 I have the pleasure of spending time with Michael, and I have to say, this is the best investments I’ve ever made! And you know what really rocks my world? That I’m investing in me. That’s a fab feeling (stemming from a thought!), let me tell you!

Have you ever given any thought to thoughts (yours or in general)?

Where do thoughts come from?

Can I control what thoughts I think?
(Spoiler: No you cannot! Thought come, thoughts go, and that’s all there is to that!)

What do they result in?

If thoughts lead to a feeling (Spoiler number two: My feelings comes from thoughts. All of them. All.), do I have to believe in that feeling?

Do I have to act upon it?
(Spoiler number three: No you don’t. And acknowledging that what I feel – which is genuine, the feeling is there – stems from a thought, makes it much easier for me to act, rather than react! Try it out and see for yourself.)

So, why aren’t we awesomer? What’s your take on that question?

Let a Thought Flower

I give a lot of thought to thought, and blogging is a part of that. Take this post as an example, where I had the quote below that I wanted to share, but without knowing what setting or context I wanted to present it in.

So what the heck, I’ll just let it rip:

Let a Thought Flower

To let a thought flower or a feeling flower requires attention, not concentration. I mean by the flowering of a thought giving freedom to it to see what happens, what is taking place in your thought, in your feeling.

Anything that flowers must have freedom, must have light; it cannot be restricted. You cannot put any value on it, you cannot say, ”That is right, that is wrong; this should be, and that should not be”, thereby, you limit the flowering of thought. And it can only flower in this awareness.

Therefore, if you go into it very deeply, you will find that this flowering of thought is the ending of thought.

– Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

20140623-230843-83323776.jpg

Are you familiar with the feeling of letting a thought flower?

I dreamed a dream…

…and that made me realize dreaming is one of the best examples of how all feelings stem from thought.

I was dreaming something strange last night. I was in that no mans land between being awake and sleeping, so I remember the dream sequence very vividly.

I was with my son in a room, and all of a sudden danger sprung. We managed to sneak into a safe room, and I searched for ways to make our predicament known to people outside. I finally found two small buttons, one which started a flashing light somewhere, and one which set of an alarm. The second I pressed the alarm-button my son got terrified and screamed out of fear, certain a new danger was facing him. I looked over at him at the same time I pressed the button, and when I saw his reaction I immediately pressed the button again to stop the alarm, all the while shouting to him that ”It was just me, it was just me!” to be able to get thru to him.

Then I woke up. For sure, this time, no mans land long gone. Terrified. With a dreadful feeling in my entire system. Wanting never ever to get into such a situation with anyone, let alone my son. Angry at myself for not having told my son about the alarm about to go off, angry at having put the two of us in this dangerous situation. Angry at the world for frightening my son like this.

Tried to go to sleep again. But once I wake up from dreams like these, I have a hard time to go back to sleep, because the feeling, and thought, stays with me. And my mind keeps on reiterating the dream sequence, over and over again, somehow ensuring that the feeling will not leave me.

20140414-084101.jpg

And here’s the deal: The feeling is real. Oh so very real. No doubt in my mind about that! But the thought, the dream, that caused the feeling to arise, was just a thought. It was just a dream. It hasn’t happened for real. It’s a figment of my imagination, created in the way thought is created.

When this happens to me I try telling myself it’s not real, that it was just a dream, but in a sense, that just makes me stay in the feeling longer, because I stay in the thought. And as long as it’s with me, the feeling is with me as well. Sometimes, I manage to ”reset the stage”, go back to the dream, and play it over, imagining a different outcome, a different scenario, in this case perhaps never stepping into that room in the first place. I didn’t go down that route last night, but luckily, I did go back to sleep after a little while, and the dream did not come back. But the memory of the dream and my feelings was very strong when I woke up though and I just knew I had to write about this.

My conclusion?

Well, that feelings are real, regardless if they stem from a thought pertaining to a situation in my physical surroundings, or to a thought coming from my psychical surroundings (fully from within my head, like the dream). But they they DO come from thought. All feelings come from thought. Sometimes I have a hard time fully getting that. But this example makes it very clear to me, at this very moment. And I’ll just let myself be with that for a little while. Do you know what I mean?