Where are you headed?

Well, you see. I’m not. Not anymore. At least not the way I used to think about the direction I was headed in. You see, I used to have the feeling that where I was, wasn’t All That. But Over There, at the end of the rainbow, that’s where All That resided… and if only I could get there, then I would live happily ever after. Until, that is, I discovered it really wasn’t All That after all, spotted a new Over There, another rainbow to chase after, which I immediately set off in search of.

This was closely linked to my view of myself as a D-I-Y-project, a renovation object, in need of fixing. If only, I would know this, or be skilled at that, or looked a bit more like Z, then I would be a person worthy of respect, love, appreciation…
expand

So when asked, the other week, Where are you headed?, I actually said as much: I’m not. Not in the sense of being here, and wanting to go over there. I look at life, and myself, as being here, and expanding. In all directions. Not moving away from where I am, to another point in the universe. No. I expand. In all dimensions. Grow.

Centered in myself. Letting my roots grow, wide and deep. Not uprooting myself over and over again, moving towards the new site of All That. Getting there. Letting my roots grow… until I uprooted myself again. And again. And again.

Centered. Rooted. I don’t miss that feeling of dissatisfaction one iota, the dissatisfaction of not being good enough, always striving away, towards something else, towards completion, being fixed. If only…

Centered. Rooted. With a feeling of satisfaction, out of which I expand way beyond any Over There that I might have been striving towards or even imagined before. With my new way of being in the world, there’s an accompanying curiosity that makes for a journey of explorative discovery. Within the framework of that journey, I am travelling far and wide; farther and wider that I ever would have been able to before. Exploring the universe, within and without the boundaries of my physical being.

So. Let your imagination run wild. What if…
– you would stop chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow Over There?
– you would see that staying rooted and expanding from a center point, would open up something new in your life, something way beyond anything you’ve ever experienced before?

What then?

Afraid of otherness?

I listened to Parker Palmer giving this commencement address to the graduating class at Naropa University, and several times I got goose bumps and shivers. For me, those have become telltale signs that there’s something important and/or very true being shared.


The six suggestions Parker provides on living a life worth exploring are simple. And powerful. So powerful I followed my urge to split this recommendation into six consecutive blog posts. You can read my thoughts on the first and second suggestion here.

BoldomaticPost_As-you-welcome-whatever-you-fThe third suggestion is: As you welcome whatever you find alien within yourself, extend that same welcome to whatever you find alien in the outer world.

There is no other, that is not also a part of you.

I’ll write that again: There is no other, that is not also a part of you.

So be hospitable, curious and meet the world with the same sense of adventurous journey of discovery that you hopefully have embarked upon within yourself. There is no need to be afraid of otherness. Or rather, you do not need to act upon the fear. You can see it, witness it, and let it pass through. Because you are meeting yourself, when you come across someone, something, which you do not recognize, that feels new and different and unknown to you. That is how to grow. That is how to benefit the world. And that is where my hope for the future lies. Just imagine what will be made possible when we no longer fear otherness. I can see it in my minds eye. Can you?

Made to bounce

ball

Not a Christmas glass ornament. And no orange. Not even a rubber ball. But a ball, at least.

Did you know human beings are rubber balls? You see. We’re made to bounce. Truly. We’re not fragile Christmas glass ornaments, shattering to a trillion pieces if we’re dropped onto a floor. And we’re not oranges that seemingly can get dropped on the floor many times, without getting affected by it. Looking fine on the outside, but on the inside, rotting away, damaged by the constant battering onto the floor. You see, we’re rubber balls, made to bounce. That’s what we do when we’re dropped onto a floor.
This analogy comes to me via Michael Neill who got it from a book called Bounce.

Here’s one of my most momentous bounces:

9 months pregnant with my first child my then husband called (!) me up and said ‘I’m breaking up with you.‘.

I was 27, he was 29 and we’d been together for 10 years. Turns out that’s no guarantee you know one another. (But yeah, there were signs that something was amiss ever since the planned pregnancy was confirmed – and if I’m honest, the signs were accentuated by the pregnancy, they were there for years – but I still wasn’t prepared for what happened.)

I spent 24 hours wanting him back, begging him to stay with me, to calm me and hold me safe. Needless to say – he didn’t.

24 hours later, I turned the page of that chapter of my life, looking ahead rather than back, and I wouldn’t have taken him back even if he’d asked. Needless to say – he didn’t.

And to this day, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. For my child, it’s a different story for various reasons. Still, I can see how she’s benefitted greatly from me growing as a person ever since my bounce.

This was in 1999 and it marks the turning/starting point of my inner journey of discovery. Into something else, new, bigger, better. Living. Fully.

So yeah, we’re made to bounce. That doesn’t mean it’s ok for me to take other people (or myself) and throw them hard at the floor, anticipating the bounce, of course. No, we should be kind to one another. But shit happens. And when it does, we bounce.

Have you had one of those shit-happened-and-I-thought-my-life-was-over-for-ever-moments where instead you bounced into something else, new, bigger, better?

Held in a space of love

Being held in a space of love, that beats most things I’ve experienced. That’s what a great coach (for me) will do. And that’s what I experience at Supercoach Academy as well. space of loveBeing held in a space of love opens up for discovery of things within that I didn’t know were there to find. It opens for grabbing onto a story of mine, shining some light on it, and watching it dissolve into nothingness, because that’s what stories are. They really are nothing, but for the fact that we place meaning onto them. They are a thought, that we believe to be real, and that’s why they seem ream. But they are a thought, and it’s only when I ”have something on that thought” that it seems real to me.

During the last weekend with SCA2014, I was listening to a chat between Michael Neill and George Pransky, when George said something to the effect of:
It’s the meaning you put on ”it”, that is causing your distress.

(”It” being whatever it is you put meaning to, whatever it is you are dicussing, bringing up, getting stuck on.)

I can see this in my life, nowadays. I can see myself when I am in distress, and know where that feeling comes from. It doesn’t mean I don’t experience distress anymore. Not at all! That happens, all the time, because it’s part of the human experience on earth. It happens to us all. Period. But I know where my distress is coming from, and knowing that makes it seem slightly less real for me. It makes me not take that distress as Fact, as something that Must be. It makes me see the distress as a feeling I am experiencing, because I have a thought of some sort. And I feel the feeling. That’s a given. But I no longer believe that feeling to be a Must. It’s not a feeling that is inevitable. It’s not a feeling which is the only true response given the situation. It’s A feeling. Not THE feeling.

And when I am held in a space of love, I can begin to question my beliefs, question the stories I’m telling myself to be real. And that process is a miraculous journey, that free’s me up, expands me, makes it possible to let go of restrictions that don’t serve me (anymore), and mostly, for me, it means my energy is not wasted on conserving the stories of my life. The energy can be used for much greater thing. I don’t have to waste energy trying to maintain a status quo that is a construct of my thinking, instead the energy can be used, in the moment, for whatever want’s to show up, whatever wants to happen.

Have you ever been held in a space of love?