Podcast 41/52 – the other side of the story

There’s an episode of On Being that I listened to over and over again in May when I was in London for the Innate health conference. I had a 30 minute walk from my Air BnB to the venue, and there was so much depth in this one show, that I basically listened, re-listened and listened yet again to this episode, hearing new things each time.

I put it in the Evernote list for ”blog series podcasts” and then it fell prey to the same problem that several of my absolute favorite podcast episodes have been struck by:
I love them so much, and there is wisdom upon wisdom spoken that I would like to point out and write about, that I tell myself ”I’ll get around to it some day”, wanting to really take my time, listening to the episode and jot down all of the moments of insight…. and guess what? I don’t take the time for that. And the absolute gems of the podcast world, according to me, never makes it into my podcast series here on the blog.

So. Time to change that. Yesterday I relistened to this specific episode of On Being again, featuring journalist Michel Martin, and I just new I have to stop holding these gemstones hostage in Evernote!

BoldomaticPost_You-just-can-t-live-in-your-bMichel Martin is apparently a well known and accomplished journalist, even though I’d never heard of her before listening to this podcast. But then again, being Swedish it’s not surprising I don’t know of her work. But from what I hear on this show, I understand that she’s really taken this question to heart in her journalistic work:
What’s the side of the story that isn’t obvious?

One of the ways she does this, is to look for the people who’s voice hasn’t been heard, which she gives some great examples of in the podcast. This is something she would like more people to do, which she phrases like this:
My real charge to people is look around and see who’s missing. And try to invite that person.

That is such an important charge.
Simply stated, and clear in what to look for, and how to act.

It all ties together very well. If there is a void in the voices being heard, I won’t get to hear all sides of the story will I? And if I don’t, it is easy to stay in my bubble. The missing voices tell the other side of the story, the side that isn’t obvious from the get-go. And when I hear those voices, when my perspective is widened. My bubble bursts. Or, if you would, it widens and expands, to take in a larger portion of the world around me. And then. I hear another not so obvious story, and it expands again. And again. And again.

Look around you. See who’s there.
Then look again.
Who’s missing?

DAY 4 #NAJOWRIMOPROMPT: Create personal door signs

For today’s prompt, write and/or draw three signs that you would hang on your home door, work door, or even your forehead to let others know what you allow and don’t allow in your life. For example, a sign might be, “No Gossiping” or “Please Knock First.”

Now write about your signs and how you will enforce them, or how you already enforce them. Are there ways you can communicate your signs without actually posting them? Or should one or more of them be physically posted?

stay out door signs

I am taking part of the MITx #ULab MOOC and one of the things that has really struck a cord in me have been the voices of judgement, cynicism and fear, that Theory U talk about as detrimental to deep listening. Listening to these voices are effective road blocks hindering you from being able to drop down into presencing.

So how to enforce them? Do I need to print these out, laminate them and post them around the house? Well. That might not be a bad idea actually… But is it a necessity? Well no. Not really. I am lucky that I have created a setting whereupon I am around people who remind me of when I do listen to, or talk from a place of judgement, cynicism or fear. My coach Carla does a great job, constantly reigning me in to self-compassion and other-compassion, for instance. Friends in my MasterMind-group and in #skolvåren hold a space where I can voice thoughts stemming from these emotions without being condemned, while gently reminding me of my why, and how I want to show up in the world. Having that ”safe space” where I can rage against the world and perceived injustices is a great outlet of frustration, and getting it out of my system makes it easier to get back on track faster.

I am a great help myself in keeping the voices of judgement, cynicism and fear out, as I have gotten so used to observing myself. So I am better at noticing when I am judging, being cynical (which probably is the one of these emotions that pop up the least for me) or acting out of fear. That opens up for asking myself whether or not it’s in service to me to continue to entertain these thoughts or if I should show them the way to the door.

What really make a difference though is to tune in to the energies of people I am in conversation with. Where are they coming from? Is it the voice of judgement, cynicism and fear speaking, or are they speaking from an open mind, open heart and open will? If it is, and I can spot it, it’s much easier for me to refrain from stepping into judgement myself. Rather, empathy is invoked in me, because I know full well what it’s like to come from the place of judgement/cynicism/fear. Sometimes, the conversation can take a sudden turn to something deeper when I drop down to a deeper place of listening. Sometimes. Not so. And I’ve learned, the hard way, to step out of that type of interaction if there is no shift in energy or awareness. There is neither giving nor receiving in those instances, and hence, I bow out. Politely if I can, silently at times, and hopefully, very seldom with a tiny jab in the back. Because that’s not who I want to be in the world. 

What about you? What would your three door signs look like?

#ULab immersion

I am taking part in MITx: 15.671x U.Lab: Transforming Business, Society, and Self, and it’s week 3 right now. I have been a bit slow on the uptake, and since today was the second live-session I wanted to make sure I got some of the work done from weeks one and two, so I immersed myself in #ULab today. First catching up with the material I had not yet gone through fully, then a 1,5 hr live-session which was absolutely fantastical! What an experience, being part in a journaling exercise which was powerful in and of itself, but the energy from tens of thousands others doing the same exercise at the same time, spanning the globe, now that really was a noticeable shift in energy!

Live session 2

After the live-session my virtual hub had a coaching circle with our second (out of six) cases, and just like the first time, it was a very powerful session. The power of presencing, of connection, and of truly listening, is hard to put into words. So I won’t even try.

But earlier today as I was catching up, I read a few lines by Peter Senge, commenting on recent data on the state of the world as chronicled in The Guardian.

”These are prospective realities many of us have lived with for a long time – well over 40 years for me. Yet, they are very difficult for people to hold without emotional reactions that lead to denial and shutting down in one of many forms (anger, despair, indulgence, etc.). This is our basic aikido challenge – to face the reality (prospective as it is) with equanimity and awareness and to do so in a way that we continue to strengthen our mental conduct to not allow negative thoughts to shape our perceptions and actions. 

But for those of us who have been in denial for a long time, moving from denial to equanimity rarely happens in one movement. So, how to help maintain some balance (keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, as Kipling put it) may be the operational definition of mindfulness in this day and age.”

I find what Peter Senge had to say there much to the point. The trick is just that, to face reality without getting sunk by all the crap that is definitely a part of reality. But it’s not all there is, and as we create our world, we can create something with less crap. We can create something else. Something better. For all. It is possible to transform business, society and self, I know it is, and if nothing else, having 50 000 + people across the earth taking this MOOC, that’s quite a lot of change agents to help push us along towards a better future. Towards a beloved community. Might that be it?

DAY 3: #NAJOWRIMOPROMPT: Write to your mental critic

Continuing on the theme of “Unleashing Your Creative Mind Through Journal Writing” write a letter to your inner critic, that voice that whispers to you when you think about wanting to do something creative or different. Think about when you heard the voice before and what it said to you. Talk back to it the form of a letter or a dialogue between you and the critic.

Oh. That voice. I am lucky that the voice of my inner critic today is much less harsh than just five years ago. When I talk to clients about their inner voice/mental critic, I usually tell them that I used to have a combo of Hitler/Mao/Stalin living inside my head. Not so today though.

So. A letter. To my mental critic. Ok.
Here goes:

Hi there.

You know. I kind of like you nowadays. I used to really really dislike you, because you made me feel soooo bad about myself. Now, you’re more polite than before, and have a much nicer tone. I thank you for that change. It’s done wonders with my self-esteem.

Sometimes you do have a point, dear mental critic, but honestly, quite often you don’t. It’s like you are more like the echo of my Ego speaking, stuck in the ways of my personality, insisting I stick to the limits you put upon me, and don’t you dare venture outside those boundaries, dear self… 

But I do. Sometimes. Venture outside the boundaries placed there by you, Mental Critic. I actually pay so much less attention to you today than ever before. And perhaps that’s why you’ve actually changed your language of communication from being predominantly verbal to being much more physical, something which I noticed quite recently

In a sense that just makes it more interesting though, since I am a very verbal person, and much less of a physical person. But it’s good for me that you’ve changed your form of communication, because I am on a journey of discovery of me, all of me, all parts of me, and most definitely the physical part of me is a huge part of that. 

wickedAnyway. Sometimes you might be making a valid point, and sometimes you’re just trying to wield your power over me, and the challenge for me is to be able to tell the difference. The easiest way for me to discern whether or not your message can be in service to me or not, is to ask myself just that: Is this serving me right now? 

That has two effects for me. First it can actually help me escape from underneath your spell, I become not only the person experiencing your communication, but I also become an observer of said conversation. And secondly, it opens up for a choice, a neutral choice, providing me with an opportunity to actively chose my next action, with less of a story attached to it. That question ”Is this serving me?” has probably been the most helpful prompt I’ve been able to give myself over these past 4-5 years or so. 

Perhaps you, Mental Critic, should start to ask yourself that very same question once in a while?

Kind regards,
Helena

I just love this:
Here’s an assignment that when I first read it, it really didn’t tickle me in any way… but once I started, I was really happy I did. And in a sense, isn’t that perhaps the perfect illustration to what the assignment centered around?

DAY 2 #NAJOWRIMOPROMPT: What inspired your creative self?

Yesterday you wrote about ways you express yourself creatively. For today’s journal entry, write about you creative influences. Who and what makes you feel creative. Who and what do you draw creative inspiration from?

Creative influences. Now that’s a questions I can probably provide a multitude of answers to, but nobody but me can make me feel creative!

I find it a bit odd that I read thousands upon thousands of blog posts (most notably school-related ones as well as Seth Godin, Leo Baubata, Arvind Devalia and the likes) up until I started blogging myself. Then, I basically stopped following blogs. I still read some occasionally, but I haven’t followed a blog for years. With one exception, that of my friends Wivan and Anders, as it’s one way to ensure I know what’s going on in their lives as they travel the world.

Since I started blogging myself, I listen to podcasts. (So yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised to see myself pick up podcasting and then cease to listen to other podcasts?!) All through out this year, my Sunday blog post has been, and will be, a podcast tip from me. My absolute favorites are On Being, One You Feed and Good Life Project. There are other as well, some Swedish ones, such as 100%-podden by my friend Charlotte Rudenstam (there are a few episodes in English as well, so do check it out) and Värvet with Kristoffer Triumf, but also English ones such as Freakonomics Radio, Peak Prosperity Featured Voice and several NPR shows with Invisibilia and Serial as my most loved ones. And yes, I draw an immense amount of creative inspiration from these podcasts!

appleNature is also something from which I draw creative inspiration. Walking about. Sitting down. Looking at a tree, a lake, a rock, a straw of grass, ants in an ant hill… anything and everything, nature is a marvelous source for inspiration!

And family and friends of course, it’s like having my very own treasure chest full of creative inspiration! I like to witness and observe, both the ongoings of my family and friends as well as what happens within me when I am in interaction with the ones close to me.

Since I’ve stopped reading blogs so much, perhaps you think I no longer get creative inspiration from written material. Well. That would be a faulty assumption. I read books, I love books, and I get a lot of inspiration from them. Fiction is more to let my mind just be, without triggering it too much, but I also read a lot of non-fiction, which definitely does just that, triggers my creativity, my curiosity, a wish to sit with a certain question or topic, and see what happens within as I do so. A lot of that comes out as blog posts.

Do I have other sources for creative inspiration. You bet. I could jot down another ten sources, easily, but no, I’ll stop here. But what about you? Who and what do you draw creative inspiration from?

Podcast 40/52 – the act of noticing things

My friend Laura told me she’d listened to Ellen Langer on On Being, and suggested I check it out. So I did (and would have anyway, since On Being is a favorite show of mine. But I am so happy for the suggestion!), and once finished, pressed Play immediately, to listen yet another time. And actually, I’ve listened to the episode more than three times by now! It’s definitely a very good show to listen to, at least if you are in any way interested in mindfulness, or mindlessness, for that matter. Ellen Langer has a purely scientific take on it, and I really like her definition of mindfulness: “the simple act of actively noticing things”

Because that is really what it is all about. And she does have a point. I mean, how do I DO ”being in the present”? How do I know I am ”being in the now”? And she is spot on with her definition. You are present when you notice things. That is how you know you are in the present moment, and not off on a mental tangent somewhere or other.

Now that’s just one of many precious gems in this episode of On Being, and I will just pinpoint one more, before letting you head on over to On Being to listen for yourself.

Fairly early on in the show Ellen speaks about perspectives, and what she said really got me thinking. She points out how nobody truly believes there is just one way to look at the world at large or a specific detail (unless they are a fundamentalist, my addition), and yet, we so often go through life doing just that. And she gave me a much needed nudge, to look at a specific person in a fairly periferal position of my life, who still somehow seem to take up more energy and space than I want. And wham. All of a sudden, I could see what for me seems like very petty and begrudging behavior, in a totally new light. I all of a sudden developed a lot of empathy for said person, because I realized that a likely cause for the behavior is loneliness and a fear of not having any friends.

noticing things

It’s so amazing when those shifts occur, it’s as if a door opens that I had no clue was there in the first place. And that my friends, is definitely an example of the simple act of noticing things.

So. Stop. Pause. Look around you.
Notice five new things about the space you are in?

Criticism from a loved one

Criticism from a loved one. Cuts so deep.

Holding a larger weight, coming from someone close to me, than remarks from a stranger or acquaintance. The thoughts of loved ones about me matter more, than the thought/belief others more distant might or might not hold of me. Sometimes it’s not even criticism, simply an observation or a wandering though being voiced. But I take it as criticism, I turn it into critique in my inner monologue.

When I get lost in the criticism from loved ones, my fear of losing the love of those closest to me, losing their respect, grows and grows, the more I value that unique individual. The greater the importance I place upon that someone, the greater the fear of having them disappear from my life. And if/when they critique me, that is what I fear the most. That they will leave me.

And it is odd. Because this means that I don’t hear what they say. I don’t hear the possible truth or message there might be in what I’m being told. I shut down, stop truly listening, my love for me and them seems to dissipate and my fear takes over. Fear of what might be, of what it might mean.

Often, arguments follow. Or sulking.
Sometimes what started as an innocent remark can escalate into what feels like an outright war.

getting lostAnd guess what.
I just realized, I am that loved one once in a while as well. I am not solely the one being critiqued, I also give critique to others. It doesn’t seem too farfetched to suggest that it works the same for them, as it does for me, does it?

But what would happen, when critiqued (that is, when I perceive that I am being critiqued!), if I stayed in love, rather than jump headfirst into my deepest fears? What might I learn? Is there learning for me there? About me? Or about my loved one? Learnings that I turn my back on, all because I lose my way, and get lost in the dungeons of my fear landscape. Dark. Cold.

What if I simply stick to love instead?

DAY 1 #NAJOWRIMOPROMPT: Describe your creative side

So. On a whim (why do I do these things on a whim so often?) I signed up for National Journal Writing Month or #NaJoWriMo as the hashtag reads. I do journal as well as blog, but I honestly thought more of blogging these entries than anything else. And I might not respond to them all, but this prompt sounds a bit fun actually:

Describe your creative side. When I refer to creative expression, it can range from doodling in your journal, home decorating, creating a presentation for your job or organization, to singing, painting, or playing a sport.

Write as much as you can about the forms of creative expression that you regularly engage in. Go on to describe the history of your creative expression(s), and how you think your creative side is a part of your personality and outlook on life.

If you absolutely don’t think you have a creative side, write about how you would like to be creative, and what do you think is keeping you from being able to express yourself in creative ways.

So. My creative side. Writing, for one. Doodling. I do love to do knit, embroider, crochet and the likes, but I very seldom do any more. I’ve enjoyed quite a lot of handicrafts over the decades, I’ve made ”sameslöjd” i.e. the leather and tin-thread jewelry traditionally made my the Lapp people of the north, weaved baskets, took over the production of santa’s (knitted and mounted on a frame made by newspaper, they are quite special) from my paternal grandmother, actually made a shawl using needle binding (a technique that really only works rounds and round, not back and forth, but I sort of worked around that minor obstacle).

I sit here with a smile on my face, recollecting everything I’ve done over the years, using my hands. I do love to work with my hands, I must say.

But, lest I forget, I sing! I used to play the piano as well, but that’s something I’ve basically have forgotten. But sing, that I do. And have done, for as long as I can remember almost. Last weekend the choir I sing with went to UK for a small tour, and did our best-ever performance, in my mind. Tomorrow in the church in Husie we’re performing the same concert and I hope we will shine again!

Oh, and the photo books! And taking photos, of course. It would be really hard to make beautiful photo books without the photos to work with. I was just thinking that I would like to get started on the photo book from the summer vacation in France, on the Riviera.

So – what’s the story behind all these creative expressions of mine? 

Well, there’s a lot of heritage here. My father (and brother) is a journalist and a writer. My mother is a great doodler, even though she denies it. Her mother was a skilled painter (and more at that!), and I love to have her paintings of me as a child up on the walls. My paternal grandmother have been prolific at handiwork, weaving, knitting, embroidering and so on. My father used to be quite an avid photographer, and my elder brother as well.

But the music… I really don’t know if there’s any heritage to speak of there. Hm. I cannot remember if anyone of my older relatives have sung in choirs or played an instrument. So whether or not they did, I guess it hasn’t really been a huge part of my upbringing. Except for my bonus father (for most of my childhood) and his mother, come to think of it, both of them playing the piano and singing. With his entry into my life when I was four, along came  a piano for me to clonk on, and I think I started taking piano lessons around the age of 8 or so. I think I started taking solo singing lessons when we moved to Arvika in 8th grade, and I’ve sung in choirs since an even earlier age.

marmeladAnd there is one more thing, which for me is a creative expression even though it might not be what most people think of, and that is the art of preserving fruits and berries. Making jams and marmalades, jelly and saft (a Swedish type of berry/fruit drink, possibly most resembling the English term squash), and generally taking care of the bountiful gifts of nature is an art and a craft I love, and have loved since I was a teenager. And here I have both my grand mother’s as wonderful role models, and also my mother, since she retired.

And how is this a part of my personality and outlook on life?

dancewalkWell. I never really thought about it in those terms. But of course it’s part of making me me. What I come to think of is my love for dance walking (I was one of the initiators of Dance Walk in Malmö in 2012, where we got hundreds of people to dance along the streets of our town. You can find me dancing away for a few seconds starting at 3:48 here and I still take solitary dance walks now and then when the urge overcomes me!). Perhaps that’s a good way to describe how my creativity is a part of me and how it forms my outlook on life?

 

8 years of adventure

logga respondi in color jpgEight years ago, on Monday October 1st of 2007, was the first day of being self-employed. The first day of operating under the name of Respondi AB, not supported in any way by a boss, an employer, colleagues.

My sense of right-doings had stopped me from actually contacting potential customers to ensure I had an assignment starting October 1st, until I had officially quit my previous employment. I did have a lunch date set up with one though, on this very first day, and I left that meeting with a one-month assignment. That turned into a three year full time gig, in one of the most challenging projects I’ve ever worked with (the building of a greenfield API facility outside Mumbai, India, for those of you who understands that life science-mumbo jumbo).

At the end of that gig, working fewer and fewer hours/week for my client, as the need for me became smaller and smaller (the very best of assignments, in my view, where I slowly make myself unnecessary, as the organization itself get’s to be self-sufficient, constructing and setting in place the structures and routines necessary to function in a good way), I made a decision to train as a coach. And since then, well, life hasn’t been the same. In the very best sense possible!

That also meant I no longer wanted to find long-term full-time assignments, such as the above-mentioned gig, but rather have shorter assignments of a different type. I still have a few ties to the Life Science-industry, but less and less, and I am slowly transitioning out of that business, fully.

That in itself is an interesting journey, it’s like I am actively decommissioning myself from Life Science. It’s like starting a new job, and going through the first time of doing everything, except turned upside down. I’m doing stuff for the last time (at least, that’s my sensation), and am aware of it, which gives it a bit of a bittersweet flavor. It’s my choice though, and I know it’s the right one for me. Now I just have to learn to say No when asked to hang on a bit longer in the industry…. and that might well be my toughest challenge here. Have you got any experience with this process of slowly retracting from a specific industry/business to share with me?

I miss me

Came home after a full day of meetings.

Went out into the garden.
A run-away hen. Picked her up and lifted her into the coop confinement.
Sun shining brightly. Deep blue sky.
A crispness to the air, typical of the early fall weather.

Apples ripening on the trees.
Some of the leaves of the trees in the garden starting to turn. The mulberry tree in particular, gorgeous yellow-colored leaves.

Spot the last rose in bloom. Cradle its velvety petals in my hands. Pull it towards my face. Inhale deeply, slowly closing my eyes, just drinking it in.

velvety petals

Realize something important.

I miss me.

I’ve been unusually (for me) occupied with work and travels for the past several weeks. Somewhere along the line of these past few years, I’ve gotten used to hanging out much more just with myself, being able to control my own schedule to a larger extent. So after these past weeks, I miss me.

Luckily, tomorrow is my day! Beginning this fall, I’ve set aside a day a week in my calendar that is my day. To do with what I want. If I want to work, I work. If I want to read a book, I read a book. If I want to take a dance walk, I take a dance walk. I make a deliberate attempt to not book any meetings on my days, unless it’s something I really want to do. If I want to… well, I’m sure you get the picture by now.

I so look forward to connecting with myself tomorrow.
Have you ever felt the same? Missing yourself?