I det sista regnet (bok 3 av 12)

”Betrakta världen som din lekpark och människorna i den som dina kamrater. Se de världsliga tingen som enbart leksaker. Behandla din svaghet som din styrka och erkänn att den är en del av din personlighet. Lev livet som ett barn utan att tänka på riskerna att misslyckas.”

I det sista regnet.
Janesh Vaidya.

Vacker, finstämd och tankeväckande bok.

Du vet, fylld av sånt där som är självklart…. fast med handen på hjärtat så lever definitivt inte jag (alltid och till fullo) efter alla dessa självklarheter, så när jag läser dem blir gapet mellan tanke och handling, mellan varande och görande, än mer uppenbart.

”[…] vet jag att han är galen och därför bara kan tala ur hjärtat, så han är lätt att förstå sig på. Att vara galen kanske betyder just det: att sakna förmågan att dölja sina tankar och känslor bakom hjärtats ridå, att inte kunna uppträda så som samhället förväntar sig. När det inre sliter sig loss förlorar man de egenskaper som anses nödvändiga för att man ska kunna smälta in i den moderna civilisationen. Den som beter sig annorlunda genom att följa hjärtats bud stämplas som galning, en som inte klara sin roll i samhällets teaterpjäs.”

Tillsammans med fjortonåringen väntade jag på mor, moster, bror och svägerska i Ängelholm. Vi satte oss på en bänk vid torget, och jag tog fram min fån. Trillade över Don’t stop believin’ av Journey, framförd av Postmodern Jukebox, en fantastisk version, tyckte på play, med ljudet i högtalarna för en gångs skull. Började bums sittdansa… och det tog inte många sekunder innan jag dansade ut på torget och rockade loss.

Till fjortonåringens stora fasa.
Till förbipasserande fotgängares stora glädje.

Gav upphov till många stora leenden, vilket jag så gärna bjuder på. Men framför allt var det precis vad Janesh skriver som jag gjorde: följde hjärtats bud. Släktingarna som klev av bussen lagom till att jag dansade som värst vågade sig åtminstone fram för att få vars en välkomstkram av mig. (Och jodå, även de bar stora leenden!)

Med världen som min lekpark, och människorna som mina kamrater, med fantastisk musik, ljuvligt väder och på gott humör. Då blir det liksom galenskap av det!

Boken jag skriver om är del i den bokläsningsutmaning jag skapat för mig själv under 2019, att läsa och blogga om 12 svenska och 12 engelska böcker, en varannan vecka, böcker som jag redan har hemma.

8 years of adventure

logga respondi in color jpgEight years ago, on Monday October 1st of 2007, was the first day of being self-employed. The first day of operating under the name of Respondi AB, not supported in any way by a boss, an employer, colleagues.

My sense of right-doings had stopped me from actually contacting potential customers to ensure I had an assignment starting October 1st, until I had officially quit my previous employment. I did have a lunch date set up with one though, on this very first day, and I left that meeting with a one-month assignment. That turned into a three year full time gig, in one of the most challenging projects I’ve ever worked with (the building of a greenfield API facility outside Mumbai, India, for those of you who understands that life science-mumbo jumbo).

At the end of that gig, working fewer and fewer hours/week for my client, as the need for me became smaller and smaller (the very best of assignments, in my view, where I slowly make myself unnecessary, as the organization itself get’s to be self-sufficient, constructing and setting in place the structures and routines necessary to function in a good way), I made a decision to train as a coach. And since then, well, life hasn’t been the same. In the very best sense possible!

That also meant I no longer wanted to find long-term full-time assignments, such as the above-mentioned gig, but rather have shorter assignments of a different type. I still have a few ties to the Life Science-industry, but less and less, and I am slowly transitioning out of that business, fully.

That in itself is an interesting journey, it’s like I am actively decommissioning myself from Life Science. It’s like starting a new job, and going through the first time of doing everything, except turned upside down. I’m doing stuff for the last time (at least, that’s my sensation), and am aware of it, which gives it a bit of a bittersweet flavor. It’s my choice though, and I know it’s the right one for me. Now I just have to learn to say No when asked to hang on a bit longer in the industry…. and that might well be my toughest challenge here. Have you got any experience with this process of slowly retracting from a specific industry/business to share with me?

My greatest fears

Have joined up for the 30 days of being fearless-Facebook group started by Billie Allen. *And yes, it’s another numbered time-constrained challenge. You know I’m a sucker for these by now!*
One post in the Facebook-group read:
If you could overcome your greatest fears, how would your life be different? How would you be different?

Here’s my reply:

”Greatest fears”. It sounds so grand, so large.

I believe my ”greatest fears” are in reality fairly small… not daring to speak up, to make the most of the gifts I have to bring to the world, to stand up for someone in need for fear of being harassed myself, or ridiculed, etc.
FearsI am on a journey to walk thru my fears, not to ”overcome” them as such, but to live life, and pass thru them, not having them be a hindrance, but rather, a possible bump in the road onwards, that gives the journey it’s texture.
As I bump thru my fears, I become more me. Less restrictive, less mindful of what other people might or might not think about me, more in tune with my thoughts and emotions, daring to show my feelings, laugh out loud when I feel like laughing, sing to a great song when I hear it, regardless if I’m on a plane or alone at home. Less worried, less concerned with expecting stuff from myself and/or others, more exuberant, living life more fully, with up’s and down, more interested in people. Being less afraid, I’ve gotten to be a much better listener, no longer afraid of what might arise within myself from the stories I’m told.
It’s an ongoing journey and I enjoy every twist and turn of the road, being less concerned about what I would have deemed right or wrong, good or bad, in the past.
If you could overcome your greatest fears, how would your life be different? How would you be different?

On compassion


Continuing my collaboration with Sus and her marvelous ladies, prompted by a query from my coach on yesterday’s doodle on judgement. She read what I’d written and added: …and practice self-compassion for our sweet, humble humanity when we notice we have ”fallen into judgment” yet again….

She continued with wondering what my compassion sketch would look like, and that thought crept into my conscious mind during this morning’s meditation. So I brought out my IPad, Paper and Pen, and started doodling. A few botched attempts, and then I sent the text above out into MIX. Send a note to Sus asking if she was up for another collaboration. She said she’d gladly give it a go, and immediately got it right, with little Miss Balancing-Act above.

That’s what it can feel like for me, balancing in life. Putting one feet out in front of me, not knowing if I’ll wobble and fall, or stand steady, ready for the next foot to move ahead. But the real balancing act is about meeting both situations (the wobbly as well as the steady journey ahead) with compassion, for me, and for everyone else.

Realizing how I’m not the only one stumbling through life – occasionally falling down, sometimes in a flow – but this goes for everyone. We are all balancing our way through life. All of us.

Now, there’s a thought to sit with…

A blessed encounter

Yesterday I had an amazing time with a handful of friends, that rock in all sorts of ways. The foremost reason is that they all are curious about themselves. Since that’s the stage of life I am at as well, it’s a perfect match!
And it get’s extra interesting since our selves are so different, we all are living and learning on the edges of the unknown, whatever that is, for each and every one of us. Expanding my horizons and daring to step one inch into the unknown, is magic, but doing it in parallel with other brave exploring unique individuals is so enriching, because their edges and unknowns are different places to mine. And I get to take a small part in their edgy landscapes as well. And let me tell you, that is just awesome!


Wivan-Kristina blogged about meetings and encounters this morning, inspired by our day together, and posted it on Facebook. A friend of mine commented on it, posting and linking to this beautiful text:

A blessed encounter.

We spontaneously decided to get together.
Unwaveringly and with no preamble, we delved into the core questions of existence. In great honesty. With great zest.
We were completely ourselves, we showed our yearning but also our wisdom and uncertainty, trusting and backing each other. There was a deep sense of connection, affinity, solidarity. As if our words were dancing. There was joy but also sorrow. But we allowed ourselves to embrace both, and so only pure joy availed.

“Do you feel this perfume, where does it come from?” he asked.
We didn´t know exactly what was going on, but the three of us felt a soothing feeling of coherence. Of consistency. That nearness felt like music…our words were creating a kind of Symphony – as in the Greek word symfono. Namely, perfect agreement, perfect consonance.
Heartfelt Connectedness in Wholeness.

~ Julien Matei

Honesty and zest, joy and sorrow with quite a dab of anger as well actually. And oh so much embracing! It’s a perfect description of our encounter yesterday.

I am grateful to be a part of such a context. It makes it easier to walk my path, knowing there are people rooting for me along the journey. And if need be, they’ll do more than root for me. That knowledge is priceless.

Who’s rooting for you?