Podcast 40/52 – the act of noticing things

My friend Laura told me she’d listened to Ellen Langer on On Being, and suggested I check it out. So I did (and would have anyway, since On Being is a favorite show of mine. But I am so happy for the suggestion!), and once finished, pressed Play immediately, to listen yet another time. And actually, I’ve listened to the episode more than three times by now! It’s definitely a very good show to listen to, at least if you are in any way interested in mindfulness, or mindlessness, for that matter. Ellen Langer has a purely scientific take on it, and I really like her definition of mindfulness: “the simple act of actively noticing things”

Because that is really what it is all about. And she does have a point. I mean, how do I DO ”being in the present”? How do I know I am ”being in the now”? And she is spot on with her definition. You are present when you notice things. That is how you know you are in the present moment, and not off on a mental tangent somewhere or other.

Now that’s just one of many precious gems in this episode of On Being, and I will just pinpoint one more, before letting you head on over to On Being to listen for yourself.

Fairly early on in the show Ellen speaks about perspectives, and what she said really got me thinking. She points out how nobody truly believes there is just one way to look at the world at large or a specific detail (unless they are a fundamentalist, my addition), and yet, we so often go through life doing just that. And she gave me a much needed nudge, to look at a specific person in a fairly periferal position of my life, who still somehow seem to take up more energy and space than I want. And wham. All of a sudden, I could see what for me seems like very petty and begrudging behavior, in a totally new light. I all of a sudden developed a lot of empathy for said person, because I realized that a likely cause for the behavior is loneliness and a fear of not having any friends.

noticing things

It’s so amazing when those shifts occur, it’s as if a door opens that I had no clue was there in the first place. And that my friends, is definitely an example of the simple act of noticing things.

So. Stop. Pause. Look around you.
Notice five new things about the space you are in?

Criticism from a loved one

Criticism from a loved one. Cuts so deep.

Holding a larger weight, coming from someone close to me, than remarks from a stranger or acquaintance. The thoughts of loved ones about me matter more, than the thought/belief others more distant might or might not hold of me. Sometimes it’s not even criticism, simply an observation or a wandering though being voiced. But I take it as criticism, I turn it into critique in my inner monologue.

When I get lost in the criticism from loved ones, my fear of losing the love of those closest to me, losing their respect, grows and grows, the more I value that unique individual. The greater the importance I place upon that someone, the greater the fear of having them disappear from my life. And if/when they critique me, that is what I fear the most. That they will leave me.

And it is odd. Because this means that I don’t hear what they say. I don’t hear the possible truth or message there might be in what I’m being told. I shut down, stop truly listening, my love for me and them seems to dissipate and my fear takes over. Fear of what might be, of what it might mean.

Often, arguments follow. Or sulking.
Sometimes what started as an innocent remark can escalate into what feels like an outright war.

getting lostAnd guess what.
I just realized, I am that loved one once in a while as well. I am not solely the one being critiqued, I also give critique to others. It doesn’t seem too farfetched to suggest that it works the same for them, as it does for me, does it?

But what would happen, when critiqued (that is, when I perceive that I am being critiqued!), if I stayed in love, rather than jump headfirst into my deepest fears? What might I learn? Is there learning for me there? About me? Or about my loved one? Learnings that I turn my back on, all because I lose my way, and get lost in the dungeons of my fear landscape. Dark. Cold.

What if I simply stick to love instead?

DAY 1 #NAJOWRIMOPROMPT: Describe your creative side

So. On a whim (why do I do these things on a whim so often?) I signed up for National Journal Writing Month or #NaJoWriMo as the hashtag reads. I do journal as well as blog, but I honestly thought more of blogging these entries than anything else. And I might not respond to them all, but this prompt sounds a bit fun actually:

Describe your creative side. When I refer to creative expression, it can range from doodling in your journal, home decorating, creating a presentation for your job or organization, to singing, painting, or playing a sport.

Write as much as you can about the forms of creative expression that you regularly engage in. Go on to describe the history of your creative expression(s), and how you think your creative side is a part of your personality and outlook on life.

If you absolutely don’t think you have a creative side, write about how you would like to be creative, and what do you think is keeping you from being able to express yourself in creative ways.

So. My creative side. Writing, for one. Doodling. I do love to do knit, embroider, crochet and the likes, but I very seldom do any more. I’ve enjoyed quite a lot of handicrafts over the decades, I’ve made ”sameslöjd” i.e. the leather and tin-thread jewelry traditionally made my the Lapp people of the north, weaved baskets, took over the production of santa’s (knitted and mounted on a frame made by newspaper, they are quite special) from my paternal grandmother, actually made a shawl using needle binding (a technique that really only works rounds and round, not back and forth, but I sort of worked around that minor obstacle).

I sit here with a smile on my face, recollecting everything I’ve done over the years, using my hands. I do love to work with my hands, I must say.

But, lest I forget, I sing! I used to play the piano as well, but that’s something I’ve basically have forgotten. But sing, that I do. And have done, for as long as I can remember almost. Last weekend the choir I sing with went to UK for a small tour, and did our best-ever performance, in my mind. Tomorrow in the church in Husie we’re performing the same concert and I hope we will shine again!

Oh, and the photo books! And taking photos, of course. It would be really hard to make beautiful photo books without the photos to work with. I was just thinking that I would like to get started on the photo book from the summer vacation in France, on the Riviera.

So – what’s the story behind all these creative expressions of mine? 

Well, there’s a lot of heritage here. My father (and brother) is a journalist and a writer. My mother is a great doodler, even though she denies it. Her mother was a skilled painter (and more at that!), and I love to have her paintings of me as a child up on the walls. My paternal grandmother have been prolific at handiwork, weaving, knitting, embroidering and so on. My father used to be quite an avid photographer, and my elder brother as well.

But the music… I really don’t know if there’s any heritage to speak of there. Hm. I cannot remember if anyone of my older relatives have sung in choirs or played an instrument. So whether or not they did, I guess it hasn’t really been a huge part of my upbringing. Except for my bonus father (for most of my childhood) and his mother, come to think of it, both of them playing the piano and singing. With his entry into my life when I was four, along came  a piano for me to clonk on, and I think I started taking piano lessons around the age of 8 or so. I think I started taking solo singing lessons when we moved to Arvika in 8th grade, and I’ve sung in choirs since an even earlier age.

marmeladAnd there is one more thing, which for me is a creative expression even though it might not be what most people think of, and that is the art of preserving fruits and berries. Making jams and marmalades, jelly and saft (a Swedish type of berry/fruit drink, possibly most resembling the English term squash), and generally taking care of the bountiful gifts of nature is an art and a craft I love, and have loved since I was a teenager. And here I have both my grand mother’s as wonderful role models, and also my mother, since she retired.

And how is this a part of my personality and outlook on life?

dancewalkWell. I never really thought about it in those terms. But of course it’s part of making me me. What I come to think of is my love for dance walking (I was one of the initiators of Dance Walk in Malmö in 2012, where we got hundreds of people to dance along the streets of our town. You can find me dancing away for a few seconds starting at 3:48 here and I still take solitary dance walks now and then when the urge overcomes me!). Perhaps that’s a good way to describe how my creativity is a part of me and how it forms my outlook on life?

 

8 years of adventure

logga respondi in color jpgEight years ago, on Monday October 1st of 2007, was the first day of being self-employed. The first day of operating under the name of Respondi AB, not supported in any way by a boss, an employer, colleagues.

My sense of right-doings had stopped me from actually contacting potential customers to ensure I had an assignment starting October 1st, until I had officially quit my previous employment. I did have a lunch date set up with one though, on this very first day, and I left that meeting with a one-month assignment. That turned into a three year full time gig, in one of the most challenging projects I’ve ever worked with (the building of a greenfield API facility outside Mumbai, India, for those of you who understands that life science-mumbo jumbo).

At the end of that gig, working fewer and fewer hours/week for my client, as the need for me became smaller and smaller (the very best of assignments, in my view, where I slowly make myself unnecessary, as the organization itself get’s to be self-sufficient, constructing and setting in place the structures and routines necessary to function in a good way), I made a decision to train as a coach. And since then, well, life hasn’t been the same. In the very best sense possible!

That also meant I no longer wanted to find long-term full-time assignments, such as the above-mentioned gig, but rather have shorter assignments of a different type. I still have a few ties to the Life Science-industry, but less and less, and I am slowly transitioning out of that business, fully.

That in itself is an interesting journey, it’s like I am actively decommissioning myself from Life Science. It’s like starting a new job, and going through the first time of doing everything, except turned upside down. I’m doing stuff for the last time (at least, that’s my sensation), and am aware of it, which gives it a bit of a bittersweet flavor. It’s my choice though, and I know it’s the right one for me. Now I just have to learn to say No when asked to hang on a bit longer in the industry…. and that might well be my toughest challenge here. Have you got any experience with this process of slowly retracting from a specific industry/business to share with me?

I miss me

Came home after a full day of meetings.

Went out into the garden.
A run-away hen. Picked her up and lifted her into the coop confinement.
Sun shining brightly. Deep blue sky.
A crispness to the air, typical of the early fall weather.

Apples ripening on the trees.
Some of the leaves of the trees in the garden starting to turn. The mulberry tree in particular, gorgeous yellow-colored leaves.

Spot the last rose in bloom. Cradle its velvety petals in my hands. Pull it towards my face. Inhale deeply, slowly closing my eyes, just drinking it in.

velvety petals

Realize something important.

I miss me.

I’ve been unusually (for me) occupied with work and travels for the past several weeks. Somewhere along the line of these past few years, I’ve gotten used to hanging out much more just with myself, being able to control my own schedule to a larger extent. So after these past weeks, I miss me.

Luckily, tomorrow is my day! Beginning this fall, I’ve set aside a day a week in my calendar that is my day. To do with what I want. If I want to work, I work. If I want to read a book, I read a book. If I want to take a dance walk, I take a dance walk. I make a deliberate attempt to not book any meetings on my days, unless it’s something I really want to do. If I want to… well, I’m sure you get the picture by now.

I so look forward to connecting with myself tomorrow.
Have you ever felt the same? Missing yourself?

Let it choose us.

I am taking part in the global U.Lab course of Transforming Business, Society, and Self, and as a part of week two, we were given a five-minute clip from The Legend of Bagger Vance to watch:

It’s a great clip, and as I watched it, or perhaps, more like it, listened to it, deeply listened with all that I am, goose bumps spread all over my body.

Especially this part,where Bagger Vance says:

There’s a perfect shot trying to find every one of us.
All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way…
…and let it choose us.
Look at him, he in the field.
You can’t see that flag as some dragon you got to slay.
You’ve got to look with soft eyes.See the place where the tides, and the seasons…
…the turning of the earth…
…all come together.
Where everything that is…
…becomes one.
You’ve got to seek that place, with your soul, Junuh.

Seek it with your hands, don’t think about it, feel it.
Your hands are wiser than your head’s ever gonna be.
I can’t take you there…
…just hopes I can help you find a way.

BoldomaticPost_Seek-it-with-your-hands-don-tIf ever there was a perfect description of what it’s like to enable another person to find their way, this is it. I’ve experienced it, in coaching as well as in conversations with friends and loved ones. I’ve been helped to find my way (but have also found it myself, in those instances of flow that seem to happen all to seldom), and I’ve helped others find theirs. I’ve witnessed others being helped along as well. And regardless of my part in it, it’s an amazing sensation, to experience, to witness, to assist, when a soul finds a way forward, getting out of the way and letting it choose us.

Letting it choose us. Surrendering to what wants to happen. Letting it flow.

Letting it choose you. Because something does want to happen. And it’s not something you can construct with rational thought. It’s felt. It comes.

So ask yourself: What wants to happen here?

Everyday life

Out of body. And possibly out of mind as well… That’s what it feels like.

And, well. No. I’m not, neither of them. But I am definitely keen on heading home, that’s for sure. While going through security at Heathrow on Sunday, for my fourth flight in eight days I had a hard time to stay focused, and for a while there, I was having a deja-vu feeling of being in Düsseldorf on my way home after the Summit for Human Potential Realisation.

Not so, of course. I’m flying home with my 16 other choir members and our conductor Jens after our UK tour. And oh how I long for home right now (as I am writing this, on the plane).

morgonmatI want to sleep in my own bed. Next to my husband, snuggle up close and breathe him in. Hug the children. Sit down with them all to dinner, hearing about their ongoings this past week. Have a green smoothie in the morning, and a bowl of fruit with yoghurt for lunch. Let the chickens out of the coop in the morning, and take a stroll out into the garden later on in the day, checking for freshly lain eggs.

As I write, the out-of-body-sensation starts to creep up on me again, as I dream myself away into my ordinary everyday life at home… the smells, sounds, sensations. The daily chores of housekeeping. I even long for the task of hanging and folding some laundry. So maybe, I have gone out of my mind after all?

Podcast 39/52 – Chickensoup for the soul

Thursday to Sunday have been a long enjoyable chickensoup for the soul-moment for me, as I’ve been travelling in England with my choir. England have greeted us with the most magnificent fall weather, and we’ve taken in the sights, sounds and smells of Oxford and its surroundings. On Saturday we sang in Enstone parish church of St Kenelm’s, and it was a joy. Good accoustics and an attentive audience, including both a touch of royalty (as the Swedish princess Margareta attended, being a resident of Enstone) as well as one sweet soul who let out the most appreciative ahhh at the end of each song. (And no, it wasn’t someone in pain, trust me, I know the difference!)On Sunday (today that is) we will sing in the service at 11 am in St Paul’s chuch in Covent Garden, also known as the actor’s church, as well as give a repeat concert at 1 pm.On account of all this music, as podcast tip 39/52, I wanted to share a special episode of On Being with you, the one featuring Yo-Yo Ma, world-reknown cellist. And, as it turned out, an extremely interesting human being, with such a great knowing of why he does what he does. 

I’ve listened to this episode, both the edited as well as the uncut version, many times, and each time I am left with the most lovely sensation of deep inner calm coupled with a great appreciation for the wisdom available to us all. Yo-Yo Ma personifies this for me, and I hope you will take the time to listen. And don’t be fooled by all this talk of music, it’s definitely a conversation spanning a wide array of life, including music, but really centering on Yo-Yo Ma’s love and interest of humanity.

Music is what happens in between the notes, Yo-Yo Ma says, and I can only agree. In between the notes, my soul is restored, my mind can take leaps of joy as well as sorrow, and it is truly chickensoup for the soul. For me, listen to, or creating, music is definitely one of my favorite pastimes to sooth as well as vigorate my soul. What’s the best chickensoup for your soul?  

Upplevaren vs Observatören

I somras, när jag körde bil med familjen, sa yngsten plötsligt:

En sak jag gillar med Michael Jackson är att han visar både sin manliga och kvinnliga sida.

Oj som jag hajade till. Michael Jackson snurrade just då i dotras Apple Music-lista som vi lyssnade till under vår bilfärd, så att han tänkte på Michael Jackson var inte underligt i sig, men oaktat det, så var det ett uttalande som förvånade mig. Inser att jag har lätt att undervärdera unga hjärnor ibland. Upptäcker det i sådana här stunder, när min reaktion närmast blir en av förvåning och ‘Var kom det där ifrån?‘. Som om jag inte riktigt tror honom om att tänka en sådan tanke. 

Fascinerande. 

Blir nyfiken och vill veta mer när sånt där sker, både om det som väckte min nyfikenhet, men också om vad det är i mig som skapar förvåningen. I den givna stunden så fick jag också veta mer, eftersom jag lyfte min fundering, och sonen gav en lite djupare förklaring till just denna tanke; om Michael Jackson och de medfödda maskulina och feminina delar som vi alla har i oss, mer eller mindre. Och sen mindes jag händelsen tillräckligt länge för att sätta mig ner och reflektera kring det, i skriven form.Insikt. Som sagt. Jag får syn på mig själv och mina trossatser, förutfattade meningar och normer, genom att jag har blivit bättre på att både uppleva nuet och iaktta mig i nuet. Ett slags dubbelliv. Något jag är väldigt tacksam för, för just det dubbla, att både uppleva och samtidigt observera/bevittna, har gjort mitt liv så mycket mer intressant att leva! 

I nuläget skulle jag nog uppskatta att jag är i ganska god balans mellan de där två polerna, Upplevaren och Observatören. Men det är inte så jag levt merparten av mitt liv, långt ifrån. Tidigare var Upplevaren stamgäst, och Observatören gjorde endast ett fåtal enstaka gästspel, och det ganska sällan dessutom. Vem av Observatören eller Upplevaren upplever du är dominant i ditt liv?

Silly attachment?

Witnessing attachment all over. Within myself. In my beloved family members. In people standing in front of me in the queue to the boat shuttle to Saint-Tropez. In parents scolding their children at restaurants. 

Everywhere. Attachment to a specific outcome. To a certain way of doing things. Of how to behave, act, speak. 

And specifically – attachment to our own thoughts. If the thoughts we got attached to were thoughts with pleasant accompanying feelings, well, it wouldn’t really be so bad would it? But so much of the attachment is to the thoughts with accompanying feelings leading to damning results. Where I storm off, feeling totally insulted, belittled, ashamed, embarrassed… All because a thought popped into my mind, generating this feeling, and then *magic trick* having me believe in it! How I wish I had a magic trick to reverse that, making me un-believe it. Because so often what I get attached to is just plain silly stuff, that really don’t matter at all in the big picture. What do I want to spend my time and energy on? Attachment to small petty stuff, really not anchored in values and virtues that I would like to be associated with, both when I think about me and when other people do? Or truly, living my values, making them a way of my Now, painting the picture of my every moment in shades and hues of those very values and virtues? Why do I let attachment to silly stuff stop me, from living my values? And does it?