Etikettarkiv: attachment

Silly attachment?

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Svara

Witnessing attachment all over. Within myself. In my beloved family members. In people standing in front of me in the queue to the boat shuttle to Saint-Tropez. In parents scolding their children at restaurants. 

Everywhere. Attachment to a specific outcome. To a certain way of doing things. Of how to behave, act, speak. 

And specifically – attachment to our own thoughts. If the thoughts we got attached to were thoughts with pleasant accompanying feelings, well, it wouldn’t really be so bad would it? But so much of the attachment is to the thoughts with accompanying feelings leading to damning results. Where I storm off, feeling totally insulted, belittled, ashamed, embarrassed… All because a thought popped into my mind, generating this feeling, and then *magic trick* having me believe in it! How I wish I had a magic trick to reverse that, making me un-believe it. Because so often what I get attached to is just plain silly stuff, that really don’t matter at all in the big picture. What do I want to spend my time and energy on? Attachment to small petty stuff, really not anchored in values and virtues that I would like to be associated with, both when I think about me and when other people do? Or truly, living my values, making them a way of my Now, painting the picture of my every moment in shades and hues of those very values and virtues? Why do I let attachment to silly stuff stop me, from living my values? And does it?

Podcast 9/52 – Love and Sex and Attachment

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Svara

Today marks the start of the blog challenge #Blogg100 in Sweden, and just as the last two years, I’ve decided to play. However, I have no real plan for doing anything other than what I normally do, which is blog daily…. but, who knows, I might think of something special as I go along.

However, today is Sunday, and it’s time for my ninth podcast tip, and I’m opting for an episode from On Being with anthropologist Helen Fisher, called Love and sex and attachment. I listened to the episode earlier this week, and just like a few other podcasts, immediately re-listened once finished. Today as I found the link for the episode I see Helen Fishers photo, and was a bit surprised. Her voice doesn’t sound like she looks. Have you ever experienced that? Anyway, that’s a side note.

Love, sex, attachment. I mean – you can’t really go wrong there, can you? It’s something we are all interested in and affected by. And that’s actually the reason why Helen got into this area of scientific enquiry in the first place, because she was so interested in that which ties us together, that which we all have a relationship to, the similarities between people, rather than that which separates us.

BoldomaticPost_relationships-evolve-and-a-goOne of the take away’s for me from this podcast is the ever-changing nature of relationships, and that it’s actually a sign of a good relationship, that it is constantly changing, growing, evolving. And you know why? Because life in itself is constantly changing – nothing is permanent. We have somehow gotten tricked into believing it is, or should be, but in reality, life is dependent on change, changing thoughts, changing needs, changing mental states, changing relationships. So how could we ever believe that any one person, or any one relationship, could be permanent? Is it a need for safety and security that have warped somehow? Perhaps due to the loss of the local community, that Krista Tippitt and Helen Fisher also touch on in the show?

 

Holding a space of love

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2

Being held in a space of love is for me a great place to be coached from. But being held in this way is something that I’ve experienced in many different settings.

My MasterMind-group is a great example of this, and I think that is part of the success that group is/has. Being held in a space of love means that I can be me, full out, without feeling like I have to guard my human experience. I can just be, and tell my MasterMinders where I am at. Full stop. Daring to say what I am experiencing in the moment, is a liberating sensation, and not one that I’ve been used to experiencing. At least not this unrestricted, unfiltered and vulnerable. I’ve always been one for laughing when that urge sets in, but crying, or acknowledging my feelings of shame, guilt, embarassment and such, not so much. Letting those feelings shine through somehow meant that I was bad, corrupt, broken. Or so I thought. And that was a thought I believed to be true.

My beloved friends in back office of #skolvåren are another example of this. That’s also a group where I can just be me. And it’s such a wonderful sensation, let me tell you.

And yes, I feel this, sometimes, within my family. Not always. It’s as if the close relationships sometimes makes it harder, because there are so many expectations between all involved. Or is this just my perception of it?

There is the child. As is. And then there is my image of what that child should be, could be. As he/she is not. When I believe in the imaginary image that I am holding my child up against, constantly measuring, checking, judging to see whether or not my child ”fits the part”, I am NOT holding my child in a space of love. Rather the opposite.

There is the spouse. As is. And then there is my image of what that spouse should be, could be. As he/she is not. When I believe in the imaginary image that I am holding my spouse up against, constantly measuring, checking, judging to see whether or not my spouse ”fits the part”, I am NOT holding my spouse in a space of love. Rather the opposite.

And go figure, the more of this I practice, the more of this I get in return. So if I want to be held in a space of love, what better way than holding that space of love myself?

Holding a space of love

Because I can drop the imaginary images, I can shed them, and just be with what is. Be with my child. Be with my spouse. Just be and hold them, from a space of pure love. Because the love is there. That has never been the issue. But it’s been clouded, which has made it harder for said child or spouse to feel held in a space of love. Because love hasn’t been all they have been held within. And that has been the case. Except occationally, when all there has been has been that timeless and unconditional love, undiluted.

Now, this past year, as I’ve been shedding more and more of the layers I’ve been ensconsed within, layers that are no longer serving me, blocking the light within me to shine through, I have also dropped my attachment (most of it? all? is it possible to drop it all? it honestly feels like that most of the time) to the imaginary images, and I am with what is. And that kicks all of my relationships up into a different ball game. And you know what, I’m really curious as to what will unfold from this place and space.

I’m doing more and more holding from a space of love, and it has a calm and peaceful sensation to it. It’s like an exhalation after holding my breath for a while. Holding my breath requires a lot of tension. And the relief when I exhale is palpable. That’s how I feel when I hold a space of love. And I love that. So if I want to be held in a space of love, what better way is there than holding a space of love?