Creeping up on me

Afternoon has just come, I’m sitting on the plane flying home from #SethinLondon, and it’s all creeping up on me.

A lack of sleep. A multitude of impressions, of intake, words, questions, new friendships forged, heartfelt hugs from people I didn’t know walked the Earth a few hours before.

Slowing down.
Letting it sink in.
Exhale.
Feel like I’m coming in for landing, in so many more ways than physically.

The chill in the cabin makes the hairs on my arm stand up.
Inhale. Exhale.

Look out the window at the landscape of clouds, so many layers, thick, thin, white – grey – blue in a billion hues. Seen from above they truly form a landscape. Like moutain plateaus, separated by crevices, nooks and crannies, as well as the steepest ravines. Seen from below they look like a silken parasol, a light and flimsy fabric, yet still able to shield me from the sharpest rays of the sun.mattersYawn.
Chills running through my entire body.

Yawn.
Body telling me to rest. Close my eyes, take ten of solitude and silence.

Shake and shiver, tired, elated, inspired. And grateful.
For everything I have, all that I am, and all I will be.
All there will be.

Float away.
Happily.
I am alive, and I get to do work that matters. I get to live a life that matters. What a gift I’ve been given. And you too. You know that right?

Holding a space of love

Being held in a space of love is for me a great place to be coached from. But being held in this way is something that I’ve experienced in many different settings.

My MasterMind-group is a great example of this, and I think that is part of the success that group is/has. Being held in a space of love means that I can be me, full out, without feeling like I have to guard my human experience. I can just be, and tell my MasterMinders where I am at. Full stop. Daring to say what I am experiencing in the moment, is a liberating sensation, and not one that I’ve been used to experiencing. At least not this unrestricted, unfiltered and vulnerable. I’ve always been one for laughing when that urge sets in, but crying, or acknowledging my feelings of shame, guilt, embarassment and such, not so much. Letting those feelings shine through somehow meant that I was bad, corrupt, broken. Or so I thought. And that was a thought I believed to be true.

My beloved friends in back office of #skolvåren are another example of this. That’s also a group where I can just be me. And it’s such a wonderful sensation, let me tell you.

And yes, I feel this, sometimes, within my family. Not always. It’s as if the close relationships sometimes makes it harder, because there are so many expectations between all involved. Or is this just my perception of it?

There is the child. As is. And then there is my image of what that child should be, could be. As he/she is not. When I believe in the imaginary image that I am holding my child up against, constantly measuring, checking, judging to see whether or not my child ”fits the part”, I am NOT holding my child in a space of love. Rather the opposite.

There is the spouse. As is. And then there is my image of what that spouse should be, could be. As he/she is not. When I believe in the imaginary image that I am holding my spouse up against, constantly measuring, checking, judging to see whether or not my spouse ”fits the part”, I am NOT holding my spouse in a space of love. Rather the opposite.

And go figure, the more of this I practice, the more of this I get in return. So if I want to be held in a space of love, what better way than holding that space of love myself?

Holding a space of love

Because I can drop the imaginary images, I can shed them, and just be with what is. Be with my child. Be with my spouse. Just be and hold them, from a space of pure love. Because the love is there. That has never been the issue. But it’s been clouded, which has made it harder for said child or spouse to feel held in a space of love. Because love hasn’t been all they have been held within. And that has been the case. Except occationally, when all there has been has been that timeless and unconditional love, undiluted.

Now, this past year, as I’ve been shedding more and more of the layers I’ve been ensconsed within, layers that are no longer serving me, blocking the light within me to shine through, I have also dropped my attachment (most of it? all? is it possible to drop it all? it honestly feels like that most of the time) to the imaginary images, and I am with what is. And that kicks all of my relationships up into a different ball game. And you know what, I’m really curious as to what will unfold from this place and space.

I’m doing more and more holding from a space of love, and it has a calm and peaceful sensation to it. It’s like an exhalation after holding my breath for a while. Holding my breath requires a lot of tension. And the relief when I exhale is palpable. That’s how I feel when I hold a space of love. And I love that. So if I want to be held in a space of love, what better way is there than holding a space of love?