Not my format!

I am attending the Innate Health conference in the northern outskirts of London at the moment and today is the last day out of three in total. And I had a realization yesterday right before the conference ended, having noticed something in myself both day one and day two: The standard conference format just doesn’t do it for me anymore. Sitting down from morning til late afternoon, just doing intake – listening to this interesting person, these riveting talks, this panel…. with short breaks and lunch, it’s too much for me. My head get’s filled up already by lunchtime. SImply because it’s all too good! And I’m to stingy to leave – I mean, I’ve paid my ticket, I want to get the most out of it…. That last part is of course something I could learn to drop, but still. I wrote in my note book yesterday that I should avoid conferences and go to retreats instead. 

Doodling during the conference – with the occasional message to myself.

I’ve never been on a retreat as such, but there are several that I’ve considered going to. In beautiful surroundings, with a few intake sessions/day, and plenty of space inbetween those sessions, to make sure there’s time to listen to what happens within during the retreat. It’s in the space between where the magic happens, rather than during a seminar, or a plenary panel, or a full day conference. 

My old self had no such issue with full day conferences. Possibly because I didn’t know that something else existed, or perhaps rather because I wasn’t aware of the magic of the space inbetween. I have learnt to reflect, to sit with myself and whatever wants to show up, these past few years, and these last days have given me the realization that I’ve changed. 

I like that. I love it actually. I love noticing the progression within myself, how what I do/feel/think today differs from yesterday, the year before or decades ago. It’s absolutely amazing, and I am so grateful for noticing it. It points to the limitless possibilities of life, of living on this earth, on having this human experience. As I write this I sit here with a silly grin on my face, feeling extremely happy. 

So. I’ve progressed. Full-day traditional conferences no longer do the trick for me, I have different preferences. Now I just need to remember this, the next time an opportunity pops up. And a few already have popped up I just realized. Hm. Time to act according to my understanding, and drop the ”Well just this one time”-attitude that is so easy to fall into when changes are to be made. What’s your best trick for following your wisdom rather than your old habits, in a situation like this?

Space to be

Do you have that? The space to just be in?image

A space, and a place, where there aren’t any must-have’s, shoulda’s and woulda’s.

Where you can just sit with it. Whatever it is.

Watching thoughts come and go.

Listening to the sounds surrounding you. Sounds from nearby, and sonds from afar.

Perhaps feeling your heartbeat in your body. Hearing it even?

Feeling the rise and fall of your chest, breathing in, breathing out.

Best part? This space can be created anywhere, anytime. Have you experienced it?


Feeling a bit jitterish, but at the same time: there’s nothing more for me to do. It’s out of my hands, and all I can do is be me. And that’s something which I definitely practice a lot more nowadays, compared to most of my life.

It’s a change I am very happy about, even though it might be a bit troublesome for my surroundings, as the Helena they believed they knew, acts differently these days. That difference is me. That difference is me being me. That difference is me, more pure, raw, undiluted. The Helena they knew was a person faking it. Believing I had to put on a mask, act in certain ways, not true to me, but true to the show I believed was expected of me. That Helena was never me. And it’s not who I am today.

AwarenessAnd then this post popped into my stream today, giving me back that which I had temporarily forgotten.

‘What?’, you may ask.

I’d forgotten that this is what it’s all about. Not to coach. Not to fix (there’s nothing to fix!). But to be a Game-Changer. And I am.

And you know? That’s not just a brash statement from me. That’s not something I believe to be true. I don’t have to believe it. Because I’ve tested it. I know I have helped clients see things they couldn’t see before. I know I’ve held a space for clients to go deeper and purer than they have ever gone before. It happens. Not all the time, every time I see a client. Not by a long shot. But when it happens – BAM, that IS a game-changer, let me tell you!

Remember that jitterish feeling? I’ll just hug it, but I definitely won’t cling to it. Because it doesn’t provide much value to me at the moment. And what I know to be true, I know to be true.

Are You a Game-Changer?

It’s just a ride!

Life is just a ride.

Words spoken by Bill Hicks 20 odd years ago, but their power surely hasn’t diminished. Because life truly is just a ride! And if you don’t believe me, look for yourself:

Or if you’d rather read, here’s a transcript as well:

The world is like a ride at an amusement park,
and when you choose to go on it,
you think it’s real,
because that’s how powerful our minds are.
And the ride goes up and down and round and round
and it has thrills and chills
and it’s very brightly colored
and it’s very loud.
And it’s fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time,
and they begin to question:
‘Is this real? Or is this just a ride?’
And other people have remembered,
and they come back to us and they say
‘Hey! Don’t worry, don’t be afraid – ever – because…
this is just a ride.’
And we kill those people.
‘Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride!
Shut him up!
Look at my furrows of worry;
look at my big bank account, and my family.
This has to be real.
‘It’s just a ride.
But we always kill those good guys
who try and tell us that — ever notice that? —
and we let the demons run amok.
But it doesn’t matter, because…
it’s just a ride, and we can change it
any time we want.
It’s only a choice.
No effort.
No worry.
No job.
No savings and money.
Just a choice, right now,
between fear and love.
The eyes of fear want you
to put bigger locks on your door,
buy bigger guns, close yourself off.
The eyes of love, instead,
see all of us as One.

Here’s what we can do
to change the world, right now,
into a better ride.
Take all that money
we spend on weapons and defense each year
and, instead, spend it
feeding, clothing and educating
the poor of the world,
which it would do many times over —
not one human being excluded —
and we can explore space together,
both inner and outer, forever.
In peace.

After watching the documentary The Internet’s own boy of Aaron Schwarz, this is made even more poignant for me. Because isn’t that just what happened? Basically, here’s this guy saying we have it wrong, and the structures of society does whatever they can to make sure he cannot continue to speak his truth, trying desperately, and ultimately succeding, in shutting him up.

It makes me even more determined though, to continue to explore space, inner and outer, because that’s where I can find my truths. And so I want to ask you, wanna explore with me?