Etikettarkiv: thoughts

Be gentle with yourself

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I do a lot of coaching sessions right now, and one of the things that almost always seems to come up in the conversations, is the general tone of the inner voice we all carry with us. Mine used to be a dictator, lashing out at me with a leather whip, and being real nasty, on a daily basis. But not anymore. Not a lot, at least. I’ve become gentle with myself, and I cannot even begin to describe the difference it’s made in my everyday life.

Being gentle with myself, for me, means that I don’t beat myself over the head with a shovel anymore, whenever I do, say, or even think, something ”bad”. Because I’ve come to understand that ”bad” is a construction. My thoughts and the resulting feelings are neutral. They just are. But we have, as a society I guess, placed a whole lot of meaning on them, giving them a value.

If I ask you to name three good feelings, I’m certain it’s not a problem for you. Perhaps emotions such as love, joy, happiness, generosity, care come to mind? Now if I ask you to name three bad feelings, perhaps you’ll come up with emotions such as hatred, anger, anxiety, vengence, desire, jealousy and so on?

Well. What I’ve realized is that this is nonsense. It’s not true. There is no such thing as a good or bad feeling. That’s all make belief. We’ve invented it. And I think the reason we’ve made up all these stories around these feelings, is because when acting upon the ”good” feelings, generally there is value to that action. It serves us in some way, that is more easily understood and felt than when acting upon the ”bad” feelings. Acting on hatred rarely serve us, and generally speaking there is less apparent value to acting on these feelings. And I agree with that. But, that still doesn’t mean the feeling and the thought it came from, are good or bad. They still just are. They exist. Period.

And I even venture as far as stating, that believing in the story of good and bad thoughts and feelings, is actually causing much more harm to us, than shedding that belief, and seeing the thoughts and feelings for what they are. A thought. And a feeling. Nothing more, nothing less. Just that.

For me, this makes it much more easy to feel what I feel without beating myself up over it. I can be nervous without being nervous about it. I can be angry without being angry at myself for it. And so on. This is what I mean with being gentle with myself. I feel what I feel, and that’s ok. I’m ok with that. Most of the time, that is… because sometimes I’m at a low state of consiousness and then perhaps I’m not ok with being angry and upset. And you know what? That’s ok too!

Now, what this ok-ness doesn’t mean, is that I give myself permission to act on whatever feeling I’m experiencing in the moment. No. That’s another ball game. I’m ok with feeling whatever I feel, but I now know I don’t have to act on every feeling I experience. I can just sit with it. If I’m angry, that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean I have to scream and shout. Sometimes I do, because I feel that’s what will be of service to me in the moment. Sometimes I don’t, because I don’t feel it will be of service to me in the moment. There is no right or wrong that is always right or wrong. It varies. (Barring actually inflicting harm upon another being. Does that really ever serve anyone?)

Knowing this, really really knowing it in my heart, means that I am no longer a slave to my feelings. I don’t have that urge to lash out, when I’m angry, at least not at all as frequent as it used to be. I have a choice to act on my feelings, and what will serve me in the moment will vary. That means there really is no right or wrong here, and with that realization, suspending judgement upon myself and other has fallen away, and only remains to a very small extent in my life. So I’m not only more gentle with myself, I am also much more gentle with you, and the rest of the world.

Except when I’m not, because I have a muddled mind, lacking clarity, and that’s ok. I know my clarity will return, in time, and I also know that it really serves me to be gentle with myself. At all times.

be gentle

Be gentle with yourself. Try it out. You don’t even have to believe you deserve it. Just try it. Ok?

Thoughts aren’t Truth!

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Found a great quote by Byron Katie on Facebook:
Byron KatieAnd I have to say, that’s one very wise woman. Because thoughts are just that, thoughts, and not Truth, which I have been prone to believe before. But they are not instructions that you have to follow, they just are. Period.

Sometimes I act on my thoughts, and sometimes I don’t, based on what serves me best in the moment. But overall, just to know, in my heart, that I do not have to believe, and act, upon the thoughts that come into my head was been the greatest revelation in my life.

And you know what, that might seem like I’ve been totally dense until I got this, and I might well have been, but while I’ve always know I don’t have to believe, and act, upon obviously ”crazy thoughts” such as ”Try jumping off the cliff to see if you can fly” or perhaps ”I wonder what it would be like to kiss that smashingly magnificent-looking perfect stranger across the road”, I really didn’t know I didn’t have to believe, and act, upon the more unassuming – but oh so insidious! – thoughts such as ”Well, so everyone says you’ve done a good job today, but really, you could really have done a bit more! I’m dissapointed in you! You’d better get your act together.” or something like ”You didn’t remember to remind your child about bringing gym clothes to school today, so you’re obviously a bad mother and really need to shape up this parenting stuff, or else…”.

But I don’t have to take either as truth. Because they are not. They just are. What relationship do you have with thoughts?

Knock you upside the head with a shovel?

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I’ve written over and over again about the podcast of Julia Butterfly Hill interviewed by Chris Martenson on Peak Prosperity. Find it on iTunes or here: http://www.peakprosperity.com/podcast/85294/julia-butterfly-hill-living-meaning

I talked to you about how every so often, the way life works, sooner or later, life might pick up a shovel and knock you upside the head with it. When we get resentful, fearful, and anxious, it is like picking up the shovel and hitting ourselves back in the head with it. It does not actually pick up the shovel and use it for something constructive. It just knocks us back in the head with it. Whereas if we can shift our thoughts, we can maybe take that shovel and do something constructive with it.

Now. I know there is no way for me to control what thoughts come into my head. NO WAY! I cannot control this. However. If/When I get a ”You silly twat, I’m gonna hit you over the head with a shovel”-thought into my head, what I can do is control how I react on it. When Julia say ”shift your thoughts” this is how I interpret her. I don’t have to act on the thought, I don’t have to believe the thought, and I definitely don’t have to act in a way that doesn’t serve me. I can just as easily act in a way that does serve me.

It’s all thought, it’s not Truth.

I’ve become better and better at not hitting myself with said shovel. Because, you see, I used to be champion of the world in this field, for a long long time. But I realized that it’s not serving me AT ALL to hold this world championship title! So I’ve gradually learned not to go there, not to believe the ”You silly twat, I’m gonna hit you over the head with a shovel”-thoughts, and more importantly, not to hang onto them. When they come, they come. Nothing I can do about that. But I have a choice in how I respond and relate to that thought.

There’s a quote by Wayne Dyer that goes like this:

You create your thoughts,
your thoughts create your intentions,
and your intensions create your reality.

Now. I agree with the two latter parts, but not the ”I create my thoughts”-part. Because I don’t create them. So I’d like to rephrase:

image

So, what do you do when you get a ”You silly twat, I’m gonna hit you over the head with a shovel”-thought? And does that response serve you?

Why aren’t we awesomer?

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Michael Neill participated in TEDxBend and I just got a hold of his talk. I laughed, and figured that I no longer have to ponder what to post today. Here it comes:

As a student on Supercoach Academy 2014 I have the pleasure of spending time with Michael, and I have to say, this is the best investments I’ve ever made! And you know what really rocks my world? That I’m investing in me. That’s a fab feeling (stemming from a thought!), let me tell you!

Have you ever given any thought to thoughts (yours or in general)?

Where do thoughts come from?

Can I control what thoughts I think?
(Spoiler: No you cannot! Thought come, thoughts go, and that’s all there is to that!)

What do they result in?

If thoughts lead to a feeling (Spoiler number two: My feelings comes from thoughts. All of them. All.), do I have to believe in that feeling?

Do I have to act upon it?
(Spoiler number three: No you don’t. And acknowledging that what I feel – which is genuine, the feeling is there – stems from a thought, makes it much easier for me to act, rather than react! Try it out and see for yourself.)

So, why aren’t we awesomer? What’s your take on that question?

Fear is not real

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”Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity, Katai. But do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story.”
– Will Smith, After Earth, 2013


Your view of reality is created by your thoughts. So beware what story you are telling yourself.

The choice is yours – what do you chose?