A library of Memories

I have a grand library of memories within. 43 plus years I’ve lived and breathed upon this earth, in the form of Me. Thousands upon thousands of memories, shelved upon the bookcases of the library of Memories within. A little bit like the memory balls of Inside out by Pixar/Disney. bodleianBut as I’ve recently been in Oxford visiting the Bodleian Library, that’s the vision I see before me as I close my eyes and let my imagination carry me away, into the library of Memories within.

There are memories of all sorts there, all flavors. Happy, Ecstatic, Joyful, Sad, Grief, Troublesome, Painful, Sweet, Beautiful. And more, much more. Like a library contains books of different categories, so does my library of Memories. A multitude of memories, encompassing all categories (?) of the Human Experience.

I have, sometimes, felt weighted down by this grand library. Memories have stuck, top of mind, not wanting to (or being able to?) settle peacefully upon a shelf, next to other memories of the same type, or from the same time. A heavy load to carry around, dragging me down, draining me of energy.

This rarely happens anymore. I seldom feel burdened by memories and experiences. They just are. They exist. Nothing more. Nothing less. I don’t have to layer them with the rights and wrongs of my past. I feel. Fully. But no longer (as often as before at least) label experiences, and the resulting memory, as good or bad, as right or wrong, as worthy or unworthy.

Being ok with what is, both in the Now, and in remembering the moments of Now long since passed, makes a difference in everyday life for me. It helps me both feel – truly feel – that which I feel, while at the same time I observe myself feeling it. Not judging. That’s what it is. The difference. For me. Can you relate? Do you know what a difference it does to stop judging oneself, in any given moment?

Welcome 2015!

In 2014, transformation was the word of the year for me and what a transformative year it proved to be. Regardless of the ups and downs I’ve experienced during 2014, overall my experience of life has been enjoyable, and that’s probably one of last year’s great insights: you can feel good even when life is tough and everything feels messed up in the moment. It’s fascinating to experience that after forty-two years of believing the opposite.

expansion But now it’s 2015 and a new year is here (given that year as such is just a man-made construct, just like the concept of time). Ahead lies many moments of Now, and my only resolve for 2015 is rooted in the word EXPANSION.

Somebody tweeted about different concepts of integration, assimilation, inclusion, exclusion during the fall and I involved in the thread…. and suddenly the word expansion popped up, and something happened within, there was a click and things fell into place.

Since then I’ve returned time and again to that particular word, expansion, both in thinking and in conversation, even though it has yet to reach my writings. But now I am beginning to put words to my thoughts and I hope to return to the concept of expansion a number of times during the coming year.

I’m also very curious to find out what a year with the intent of EXPANSION will lead to. Do you have any resolve for the new year that is upon us, opening up one moment of Now after the other?