Thank you, Ed!

I just watched Citizenfour. From the get-go I had the feeling that this was gonna be one of those experiences which I would rather not have had, simply because I don’t want to live in a world as the one depicted. And it’s not just depicted as such, because it’s not a made-up story. It’s not fiction. It’s the way of the world.

But it’s not the world I want to live in. Sorry, but it just isn’t. Where some people deem themselves overlords over others. In some ways, I’m probably guilty of that myself – lording over others, people with lesser means than I have in one form or another. It still isn’t the direction I want to see the world evolve.

Anyway, watching this story of one man with such knowledge of what the system/s contain that he has no choice but to expose it, my heart goes out for him. But more than that, I am grateful for people like Edward Snowden and other whistleblowers, who put themselves at risk for the greater good.

BoldomaticPost_If-there-s-nothing-to-hide-thI am left with one lingering thought, which is likely the most naive stance to take, but yet, it’s my stance:
The only way to not have to worry about what get’s out where, is to be totally transparent. If there’s nothing to hide, there’s nothing you cannot stand for, is there? Then you wouldn’t have to sit at a congressional hearing and willfully lie to the people before you. You wouldn’t have to use shady ways of leaning on people to get them to back down and/or keep quiet.

But no, I don’t know if that’s even possible, if a government and it’s agencies can choose that path. I don’t know. Perhaps not. But I know I can. As an individual. Stand for what I do. Which doesn’t mean I display my every action, word, thought, but that I could. If called on them, I could. Because I stand for them, or at least that’s my intent. Being human, I stumble and fall, and take action in ways I regret, for sure, but that’s what being human is, isn’t it?

Anyway. I’d like to say thank you, Ed, for all that you did. For the risks you took, for the path of life – likely nowhere near the way you dreamt your life would turn out – you deliberately stepped upon, for the sake of us all. Thank you, Ed!

PS – Haven’t watched it yet? Do it. Just do it. Ok?

Please be gentle, I’m still learning

”Please be gentle, I’m still learning” Robbie Williams sings in the song Advertising Space. Imagine living approximately forty years before getting that. Forty years before understanding that if I’m not gentle with myself, much less learning takes place. 

If I associate learning with pain, with being chastised, told off, ”I should have known”:ed, do you think my system would be promoting and encouraging learning? 

No. It (I) will run the other way. Shut down, slowly, insights will be fewer and farther apart… or at least, they will be significantly more quiet, almost unaudible. The inner voice of wisdom, of universal mind, will be barricaded, by myself, by my self-preserving ego. The innervoice will be unwanted. Out of fear. Fear of the pain that comes with learning, which I’ve associated with pain, harshness. 

And that will only change once I begin to be gentle with myself. And I speak from personal experience when I say that being gentle with me, is a very off concept for one accustomed to being harsh. Realizing my internal harshness was one of the greatest aha-moments of my life, and what I saw was that it’s not mandatory to be my own harshest judge. Kindness, gentleness, is an option. Also for me. 

This insight has been with me since 2006-2007 sometime, and took place during a therapy session. Since then I’ve practiced being gentle with myself, och it’s something which comes more and more natural to me nowadays. And that’s be reverting back to being more fully me, because I I think it is our natural state. We’re born and created to be gentle with ourselves, otherwise we wouldn’t be the learning creatures that we are, from the very get go. 

Imagine a small child being harsh with herself for not immediately knowing how to walk, run, ride a bicycle. A child is naturally gentle with themselves, trying, failing, falling down, trying again, failing, falling down, trying again…. over and over until suddenly, one step is managed, then two, then all of a sudden, the child can walk, can run, ride a bike. 

What happens to us? Why do we – at least I – stop being gentle with ourselves, and rather start to be hard on ourselves? Is that why children are the greatest learners there is? Not because adults don’t have the capacity to learn, but because we’ve stopped being gentle with ourselves, we expect to get things right away, and we are afraid to try and fail. Because we’ve put another meaning on what it means to fail, than the child trying to learn how to walk, run, rida a bike. We believe it means we are bad, not good enough. While the child simply knows it means that the learning process is still unfolding, there’s more to learn, more to master, before the learning process has manifested into yet another skill. And somehow, adults impose their faulty understanding upon children, creating yet another harsh un-learner. What if we adults instead learned from children what it is we are born to be? Life long learners, where the only prerequisite is being gentle to ourselves.

Please be gentle, I’m still learning. Are you?