DAY 5 #NAJOWRIMOPROMPT: Write 10 burning questions about your life

For today’s prompt write a list of 10 burning questions for yourself about your life. I suggest not overthinking your list of questions, and you probably should not think about trying to answer those questions right now. Just write whatever questions come to mind. Remember, you’re writing in your journal. No one else should see your list, and you don’t have to answer to anyone about the questions you raise. You may find the this list troubling to write, but the questions might a useful to return to for future journal entries.

Well. This was interesting. I’ve been avoiding this prompt for a few days, for some reason. But now that I have my 10 questions written down, I wonder what I was afraid of? There’s some challenging questions, but none that come as a surprise to me, and none that make me want to stick my head in the sand.

But no. I won’t publish them. If nothing else, I won’t because the prompt actually tells me not to. And I think I want to sit with them a bit more, question by question. Reflect upon them. See what comes to mind, rather than ”try to contrive an answer” to them. That doesn’t ring true to me at all, that’s not the way to go about these. But rather stick them in my mouth, one by one, like a lozenge. Letting it sit, slowly melting away… and possibly, there will be an answer. Or more questions perhaps? That would be welcome as well. I really like questions, and I like the not knowing. Hanging out in that place of limbo, where the question has materialized, but the answer hasn’t. Possibly the answer is like a mirage far away on the horizon. Something illusory, that cannot be analyzed and examined in great detail, because it doesn’t really exist. not knowingOr it might be slowly coming to form before my eyes, a bit like the statue of David inside the great block of marble, being liberated chunk by marble chunk by Michelangelo and his chisels. Or. It might be totally obvious, like a billboard commercial. Neon lights blinking, a clear message to me.

Who knows? Not me, that’s for sure.
And that makes me sit here with a grin on my face, laughing to myself.
Imagine that, huh?

Me.
Enjoying the process of not knowing, revelling in it.

Who would have thought?

 

Constant comparisons

How much comparison do you do in a normal day? I know I do a lot of it. I think mostly out of habit. Perhaps also due to the natural tendency the brain has of putting things in boxes in order to know how to relate to it.

Anyway, I think a lot about this constant game (hunt?) for comparison that goes on in life all the time. This game causes me to strive to be better, more worthy, smarter, with bigger insights, better grades and so on. All in comparison with someone else, someone else who will then fall beneath me, in the race to the top of the game. I can get caught up in it just like the rest of us. But does it serve me?

Comparing

And really there is no reason to compare. I am already all I am – I’m like the sun behind the clouds, always there regardless if my splendor shines through in a specific moment or not – and why should I compare one sun to another?!

How does this habit of comparing influence the way we share bits and pieces of our lives? Today, with social media, sharing snapshots, comments, thoughts from my life is easier than ever. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, RunKeeper, to name but a few. There’s a multitude of ways, and I use a lot of them.

The trick for me is to take part in what my crowd share, and rejoice or empathize with them or cheer them on, all depending on the situation at hand. But to not fall into the trap of comparing and, honestly, degrading my own life and my experiences due to someone elses life ”seeming to be better, bigger, brighter”. It’s a life.

I mean we are used to the pattern in society saying when people share we shall compare… And that’s the pattern I want to challenge, so that you compare when it serves you, not out of habit.

Knowing this still doesn’t stop me from feeling low sometimes, when I fall short in the comparison game. But understanding that it’s a mind game I’m playing, also means that I know, deep down, that the sun is always there. In me. In you. And why should I compare one sun to another unless it really is of value to me?