Etikettarkiv: comparing

There is no harder

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A tweet made me google for Ash Beckhams TEDx Talk, and to verify it really was the talk I thought is was I started to listen to it. My daughter was sitting beside me, and once she started talking (Ash that is), we both nodded and said ”Yup, this is the one, what a great talk this is!”. So great, in fact, that we listen to all of it. Even though we’ve both seen it before.

The talk is about coming out of closets, and she has a refreshing take on it, Ash, seeing how we all have closets that we come out of, or try to live inside, even though closets really aren’t a good place for a person to reside in. I agree with her.

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But the phrase that made me associate to this talk was another one, where she says that there is no harder, there is only hard. What she’s talking about is the fact that we often end up comparing our hardships with each other, and sometimes fall into the trap of wondering why my hardship is so much harder than someone else’s, and why that is so. And that is a trap. Because what we end up doing is compare our inside with someone else’s outside. We just have no clue.

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And regardless, when I hit rock bottom, I hit rock bottom. When you hit rock bottom, you hit rock bottom. What’s the point in comparing our rock bottoms? When I’ve gone as low as I possibly can on the scale of my life experiences, I have reached rock bottom. For me. And the same goes for you. And that’s where the wisdom of Ash comes so handy. Because there is no harder rock bottom to hit, there is only really hard rock bottom to hit. And once it’s hit, it hurts. No need to compare, is there?

 

Constant comparisons

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How much comparison do you do in a normal day? I know I do a lot of it. I think mostly out of habit. Perhaps also due to the natural tendency the brain has of putting things in boxes in order to know how to relate to it.

Anyway, I think a lot about this constant game (hunt?) for comparison that goes on in life all the time. This game causes me to strive to be better, more worthy, smarter, with bigger insights, better grades and so on. All in comparison with someone else, someone else who will then fall beneath me, in the race to the top of the game. I can get caught up in it just like the rest of us. But does it serve me?

Comparing

And really there is no reason to compare. I am already all I am – I’m like the sun behind the clouds, always there regardless if my splendor shines through in a specific moment or not – and why should I compare one sun to another?!

How does this habit of comparing influence the way we share bits and pieces of our lives? Today, with social media, sharing snapshots, comments, thoughts from my life is easier than ever. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, RunKeeper, to name but a few. There’s a multitude of ways, and I use a lot of them.

The trick for me is to take part in what my crowd share, and rejoice or empathize with them or cheer them on, all depending on the situation at hand. But to not fall into the trap of comparing and, honestly, degrading my own life and my experiences due to someone elses life ”seeming to be better, bigger, brighter”. It’s a life.

I mean we are used to the pattern in society saying when people share we shall compare… And that’s the pattern I want to challenge, so that you compare when it serves you, not out of habit.

Knowing this still doesn’t stop me from feeling low sometimes, when I fall short in the comparison game. But understanding that it’s a mind game I’m playing, also means that I know, deep down, that the sun is always there. In me. In you. And why should I compare one sun to another unless it really is of value to me?